


Sacrilegious

by TheZiallHorlikBible



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, 5sos cameos, Addiction, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bad Boy Zayn, Drug Use, Fluff, I am excited, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Innocent Niall, Internalized Homophobia, It's ziall bitchez!, M/M, Niam - Freeform, Niam Bromance, Platonic Niam, Protective Liam, Rebel!zayn, Religious Guilt, Smut, Songfic, Teenagers, Well this is what happens when I listen to nevershoutnever, all of the angst, ziall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 18:54:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheZiallHorlikBible/pseuds/TheZiallHorlikBible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's impossible to keep the preacher's son away from the bad boy.</p><p>Zayn spends his Sunday mornings smoking outside the local church, and Niall horan can't help but become curious about the beautiful boy who is oh so sacrilegious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sinful

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! So this is the prologue for my new Fanfiction. For the benefit of readers:
> 
> Sacrilegious:  
> adj.  
> 1\. Grossly irreverent toward what is or is held to be sacred.  
> 2\. Having committed sacrilege.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Feedback please??

Niall's feet hit the cement as he pushed himself to run faster. He was chasing his best mate, Liam, and his breathing was shallow. They were joking and laughing just like they were every Sunday. When he finally caught up to the brunette, he grabbed his hand. "shut up, ya cocksucker!" Niall heard himself say while hitting the back of liam's head. He covered his mouth quickly, glancing around to make sure no one had heard. Church-goers didn't take well to that kind of accusation.

"all I'm saying is that Demi is totally in love with you." Liam repeated, and Niall made it a point to look disgusted. "look, Liam. We're just friends. There is no way in hell that I would ever date lovato." he was quiet, his gaze falling away from Liam. His blue eyes immediately became trained on jet black hair, and a lit cigarette. 

Zayn was the boy in class that never did any work. He's the kid that should be failing but isn't. He's always either smirking or brooding, and Niall doesn't know which is more attractive. They meet eyes, and zayn smiles and nods his head once. Niall just looks away a blush spreading from his cheeks down to his neck. He could feel the staring. Zayn was still looking at him, and for some god forsaken reason, it excited Niall.

"stop checking out, Malik. What would your father say if he found out you were oggling that tatted, smoking, careless rebel. I mean seriously Niall. He would probably hate you enough if you were staring at a decent guy." Liam said, and Niall pushed him once a bit harder than necessary.

"shut up, ya tosser! It's not like that, okay?" He said nervously before hopping in the passengers seat. No one knew about niall's secret fantasies and the uncertainty he had about his sexual orientation. He thought guys were attractive, but he liked girls too...a little, at least. Liam began driving home, and they blasted the radio. "let's make the most of the night like we're gonna die young!" Niall screamed along with the American pop singer. they sped down the empty streets enthusiastically, a smile present on each face. The terrain was flying past the windows and Niall clapped his hands, letting out an exuberant laugh.

Liam slowed the car down, pulling into the blonde's driveway. "thanks, Li." he said softly before leaning in and pecking his cheek. Liam made a face. "now, what would your father say." he said, and Niall rolled his eyes. "not all of us do everything daddy says." he replied slyly, getting out of the car and slamming the door. Liam shook his head, glaring while he drove away.

Niall ran up to his front door, opening it and treading inside. As always, his older brother beat him home, and was lounging around in the living room, flipping through channels. Niall weaved through the kitchen, eating random bits of food before making himself some lunch. He took his plate upstairs to his room, the only place he could really be true to himself. Opening his laptop, he received a Skype call from Liam. 

"the fuck do you want, Li." he said, slightly annoyed. Liam grinned at him. "oh, nothing, just thought I'd let you know that I have a date with one of my sister's friends." he bragged. Niall rolled his eyes. "which friend? The incredibly sexy one? Danielle?" he questioned and Liam nodded going on to spend what seemed like forever, giving Niall the details. 

While the older boy spoke, Niall found his mind wandering. The Blue eyes were analyzing the expanse of Liam's chest. He had broad shoulders and sculpted muscles and delicious v-lines, and Niall wished he could pin his feeling as envy. He could see Liam's muscles working when he shifted, and that alone was enough to make the blond's mouth water. "Niall?" Liam asked, and the blonde jumped. "y'know if you don't care, I'll let you go. You don't need to pretend that you're interested." he said, and Niall shook his head. "i'm just distracted. It's not that I don't care. I'm excited for you." he said, but Liam just shook his head. "nah, it's cool. I love you, Niall. See you at school tomorrow." he said, and the younger boy just nodded once before ending the call. 

His head hit the pillows as he fell back, groaning loudly. Online, it said that he was normal for being curious, but he didn't feel normal. He felt isolated, alone. His head was twirling in not-so-graceful circles, and he couldn't think straight (no pun intended). His daddy would always tell him that whenever you were unsure look to God or something like that. But Niall could physically feel the big man upstairs turning his back, looking away disgusted. "being gay is wrong." he hears that a lot at church, and it confuses the hell out of him.

Why Would God damn his children for loving? Because you can't procreate? Because it's sinful? unnatural? No, He would tell himself. God can't be that careless. They tell us to love every man so what's horrible about loving other men? It's wrong and deceitful and he knows. God, he's well aware but then can't find the will to stop and it scares him so much. He wants to run from any type of feeling, but that would be wrong too. He's wrong no matter what. It makes him feel sick to his stomach.

His hands moved the plate aside absentmindedly, and he stood up, rushing to the bathroom, locking the white door quickly. Sinful. His mind hissed. That boy in the mirror is a sin. And he shook his head, willing the thoughts to stop, but they didn't. His legs collapsed as the twirling, whirling words clouded his vision. If you look at a boy again, you're going to Hell, Faggot. Is that what you want? To spend an eternity burning? Because that's what will happen to people like you. He told himself. It was his mind doing this, and he couldn't silence it. The sensation was intensely weird, to be literally fighting his conscience. It was hurting him. He was hurting himself internally, and he couldn't stop the words.

He was reduced to a shaking, crying mess on his bathroom floor. He didn't move for hours. "I'm sorry." he heard himself whimper. "I don't mean it." his face had gone red and he was sweating and the anxiety was eating away at his soul. "stop it." he pleaded, his face was wet, and he couldn't tell where his sobs were starting or ending, and he couldn't remember when he took his last breath. But when the darkness came,

He had never been so happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke up alone on the bathroom floor, the door still locked, his hair still mussed up, and his shirt still damp. It all seemed surreal. It happened every once in a while. He would lock himself in a bathroom while he had some sort of mental breakdown, and when he woke up, his mind silenced itself, seeming pleased with it's own work. It scared him when he thought about it. How his own subconscious could rise up and lash out the way it did. It was hard to remember because he couldn't think well enough while it was happening. He washed his face and drudged to bed, tiredly, falling asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Monday, he woke up tired. The bags under his eyes almost made him look dead, and his hair wouldn't stay put (not that he honestly cared all that much). He threw on a t-shirt and some jeans, heading outside and waiting for Liam. 

The drive was silent on Niall's part.

When they got to school, Liam pulled him in for a tight, lingering hug because is was obvious that he needed it, and Niall almost started crying again because God Liam was the best person ever. When they separated, Niall smiled sadly, and Liam lined in, kissing his cheek. "just don't tell dad." he teased before walking off, and Niall bit his lip. 

The whole morning, he was jumpy and distracted, not focusing at all until he got into his last class of the day. He didn't exactly focus on the lesson. His mind was completely centered on one person. He didn't let himself think enough for it to become a problem.

Of course, he had math with Zayn every day, but there was something about him that particular day. He was dressed simply, loose dark-wash jeans that hung dangerously low on his hips, the waistband of his topman boxers visible underneath his baseball tee-shirt. It was white with navy sleeves. It was on days like these that Niall found Zayn especially interesting. He almost looked clean cut.

But you could see the lines of tattoos on his arms, and Niall's pretty damned sure that he can see a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. Zayn Malik almost looks like a good guy, the kind you would introduce to your parents.

Almost. 

So here he was, chewing on the top of a blue pen while he should be taking notes, unable to tear his eyes away from a sharp jawline, and in that moment, Niall knows that it's not confusion. It's not a phase. He wouldn't "get better" in a couple months. 

Sinful, that's exactly how he would describe the feelings. He wanted to pin the boy to a mattress or a wall or bend him over a table. He wanted to be pleasures by those sinful lips that looked damn good around cigarettes. He wanted to kiss him all teeth and tongue. He wanted to be absolutely filthy, and to say that it scared him would be an understatement.


	2. A damn good reason

A month passed. Then two. Then three, and it was getting cold outside, and there were no longer any leaves to cover the trees and keep them safe from the chill. he sat outside on his porch, staring at the gloomy sky. He knew that his self pity was getting him nowhere. He looked around aimlessly, freezing when he noticed a boy walking down the street. The boy had dark hair and tattoos and a smirk set on his deliciously red lips. Niall shivered , and Zayn, as if he had felt the small movement, turned to stare at the blond, smirking at him. "hey, Blondie, c'mere!" he called, his voice seemingly sensual.

Niall looked around as if making sure that zayn was addressing him. He stood up, walking over, clad in a deep green sweatshirt and jeans. He ended up being near Zayn, not knowing why. Zayn stared foreword at the horizon, and Niall turned to do the same. "you stare at me a lot." zayn said simply, leaving it at that. He analyzed the hills And houses littering the land, and Niall flushed red. "you smoke a lot." he retorted, his eyes trained on a brown house. it had shutters. Niall can recall thinking about the purpose of having the damned things. They just looked odd.

Zayn didn't reply for a minute, nodding slowly. "yeah, I do." he said, pulling a pack out of his pocket. "you should try it sometime, maybe it'll get you to loosen up...or is that because of daddy?" he teased, a smirk making its way back onto his face. He inched a bit closer until their arms were brushing and even through the two jackets, niall was stunned by the feeling. It was new, exotic. Niall shivered, shaking his head. "no, they're disgusting." he said, his nose scrunching up as he thought about the poison.

"what a terrible way to kill your body. You're too pretty for that." he said the last part on accident, swallowing thickly, he wondered if anyone had ever used the word pretty to describe Zayn. The darker lad seemed to ponder, mulling over Niall's words. "I dunno, gotta die of something, right?" he asked almost too quietly. There was a hint of agony in his voice, but the boy shook it off. "maybe you should let me show you a good Time. I bet I could get you to relax." he said seductively, dipping down so his lips were by niall's ear. " and daddy doesn't need to know."

Niall shook his head, pulling back. "I'm sorry, but that's not...no." babbling, he pushed past Zayn anto tried to run towards the house, stumbling and nearly falling twice. He rushed inside, squeezing his blue eyes shut before moving to the window where he stared at the raven boy that was staring back at him. He nodded, lighting a cigarette and placing it between those lips in an almost challenging way. Like he were saying "you want me to stop? Come give me a damn good reason." 

And that's the funny thing about all of it. He knew that he should run out there and throw all of Zayn's cigarettes away. But he couldn't. He couldn't help but to watch as he lit the the damned thing, breathing in the toxins and blowing out the smoke. Niall slowly drew the curtains. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another month passed of mindless staring and stupid smirks and pointless blushing, and Zayn hadn't spoken to Niall once. 

There was a day when Niall felt particularly gutsy, and he walked up to Zayn after school when no one was around. He just stood next to him, staring down the empty hallway. Zayn smirked. "hey, Blondie." he said slowly, shutting his locker. 

Niall swallowed, taking in a deep breath. "hello." he said, his gaze changing to his feet. "you've not been around." zayn accused, and Niall frowned because if course he had. He hadn't gone anywhere. He hadnt done anything. "yes I have." he snapped, covering his mouth as soon as the words escaped. He could still taste them on his togue. 

Zayn shrugged, pulling out a cigarette. "you're not allowed to have that here." he all but whispered, glancing up at Zayn. He shrugged again, walking down the corridor. "if it makes you feel any better, I won't light it while we're inside." he said. 

Zayn kept true to his words, waiting until he was outside to light the cigarette, taking a slow, lazy drag. "try it." zayn offered, putting the damned thing right in front of Niall's chapped lips. He shook his head, touching Zayn's arm gently to push it away. "no, I'm okay." he replied, and Zayn shrugged for yet a third time, taking a couple more drags. "you're to hot to he so prude." zayn said simply, stomping out his cigarette before walking over to his motorcycle. "need a ride home, Blondie?" was the next thing out of his mouth. 

Niall shook his head, watching Zayn ride off on the bike. It took him half an hour to walk to his house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Niall was on his best behavior for the next month without a taste of Zayn, answering frequently in math class, trying to get Zayn to notice him when they weren't alone.   
Niall sighed when it didn't work, hanging his head in shame. 

that Friday, Niall had actually managed to get permission to go out with his friends. They went downtown to go bowling. Liam had won, and Niall had lost. This was never a surprise. Niall sighed when it was over, texting his mum to tell her that he had a ride home. 

He wasn't sure what made him begin to walk down the street, analyzing alleys and building made of brick. He didn't know what part of him had convinced his conscious mind to go towards a bar, but it happened. And he was glad. He looked down the alley. There was a fakery beautiful woman in nearly no clothing. Hooker, his mind warned. And there was a man smoking a joint behind her. It looked like she was trying to convince him to go back to his place. Niall looked past them though to where a boy was pinned to the wall. His eyes widened in alarm when the familiar man was punched. 

His body began moving automatically, and he rushed over, pushing in between Zayn and the man, using his own frail body as a shield in an attempt to save Zayn. The man snickered, muttering an annoyed 'this isn't over, Malik.' 

Niall didn't know what to do while he stared at the beat up Zayn. He sighed. "zayn....what should I do with you?" he asked to which he was given a slow, pained shrug. "answer me, Zayn." he said sternly. "I need to get you cleaned up." he said. 

Zayn didn't reply, staring at the blond boy tiredly. After a couple minutes he pushed off the wall, stumbling and leaning on Niall for support. "my place is around the corner." he slurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it???? Let me know right down there!  
> ~Alex


	3. The no clothing policy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's another chapter! Aren't you guys lucky ;) feedback please?? I love you for reading

He was honest about that. It had taken merely ten minutes for the boys to get to a complex, Zayn retted at Niall's shirt, whispering "third floor. 15b." tp the blonde boy. Niall nodded, using all of his strength to drag Zayn up the flights of stairs and down the hallway. Zayn was pretty much dead weight, and Niall even had to fish the key out of Zayn's left pocket. 

He opened the white door, glancing around the living area, his eyes settling on a small kitchen. He pulled up a chair, setting Zayn down. "okay, I need a washcloth." Niall said, and Zayn scrunched up his nose, pulling off his shirt and handing that to Niall instead. 

Niall shook that off, turning to the sink and wetting the piece of clothing, humming to himself. He had to mentally prepare himself before turning back around to face the broken boy that was waiting. Niall bit his lip, turning on his heel and tilting Zayn's head up a bit, dabbing away the blood on his eyebrow and his nose and his lips. 

"why are you hurt, Zayn?" Niall asked softly, pulling some chapstick out to rub some across Zayn's cracked, bleeding lips. He hoped that Zayn was too drunk to notice that Niall carried around cherry flavored chapstick. Zayn did,'t reply, staring up at Niall silently, shaking his head. He stood up, stumbling until he got to a sliding glass door that lead to a small balcony. He went out, Niall following him. 

They stayed silent, both equally afraid of saying something wrong. 

Niall sat on a lawn chair, watching as Zayn pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He lit one, taking urgent, angry drags, forcing nicotine into his body. When he finished that cigarette, he pulled out another, lighting it and continuing his assault. Niall bit his lip, standing up. "zayn, please stop." he said quietly, not knowing how to make Zayn quit that. 

Zayn laughed bitterly, shaking his head. Niall thought desperately, shaking his head. "I want to try." he blurted out, not having processed the words first. Zayn seemed surprised, turning to Niall slowly and pulling the poison from his mouth, offering it to Niall.

Niall didn't know what he was doing. He put the cigarette up near his lips, staring up at Zayn helplessly. Zayn nodded. "only breathe in a bit or you'll start choking. Hold it for a second. Let it out." he said with a shrug.

Niall nodded, slowly doing as Zayn said. He ended up coughing violently, gagging at the taste, feeling lightheaded. Zayn sighed, reaching out to rub Niall's back while he chuckled. "too much, Blondie. A little less next time." he said, reaching for the cigarette witch Niall quickly stomped out, reaching into Zayn's pocket to pull the carton away from him. 

This courage was new to him. Zayn's face grew colder. "Blondie, give Em here." he said lowly, and Niall shook his head rapidly. "too pretty to destroy yourself, remember?" he said. That was not an acceptable answer to zayn who reached for Niall, pinning him to the wall. Niall cowered, his confidence disaperating. Zayn looked at him menacingly. "don't you fucking dare tell me what I can and can't do." he said, reaching for the pack.

Niall mustered his final amount of courage, throwing the pack off the balcony before shrinking back into the wall. Zayn stared at him incredulously, clenching his jaw. "you're lucky that I don't want to hurt you, Blondie." he hissed, pushing off the wall and going inside. 

Niall groaned, following him inside, helping him walk. Zayn moved in the direction of the single bedroom, and Niall helped him to the bed, rummaging through drawers until he came up with a pair of trackies for Zayn. The darker lad snorted. "I don't sleep in clothes." he said, rolling his eyes. 

Niall nodded, trying not to watch as Zayn peeled off his skinny jeans. Niall bit his lip. "are you just staying here?" zayn asked a minute later, his expression still hard from the scene on the balcony. Niall nodded uneasily. "I don't have a car. I can't get home." Niall explained, looking anywhere but at Zayn, his eyes trained on the plain white walls. 

"stay. I'll take you home tomorrow." zayn said, and when Niall's eyes snapped to Zayn, he noticed that Zayn's expression had softened a bit. Niall nodded. "do you mind if I borrow some clothes to sleep in?" Niall asked, and zayn shook his head, smirking cheekily. 

"nope, boxers only." he said. "I have a no clothing policy. Especially for you, Blondie." he slurred, patting the other side of the bed. Niall rolled his eyes, slipping off his jeans and leaving on his too long button down. Zayn sighed. "if you don't take that off, I will rip it straight down the middle and pull it off myself." he threatened. 

The blonde squeezed his eyes shut, gathering courage before undoing his plaid shirt, letting it fall to the ground. His cheeks flushed tomato red, and he felt completely exposed, standing there in his superman boxer briefs. He felt like an eight year old.n

He heard Zayn chuckle. "hey Blondie, c'mere." he said softly, taking Niall by the wrist and pulling him in. Now, for the record, Niall was about as virginal as a person could be, and even just standing there in between Zayn's legs while they were both nearly naked was almost too much. 

"I hope you don't mind." zayn whispered, leaning in a bit while pulling Niall closer yet by his waist. "I'm gonna steal your first kiss now." he finished before connecting their lips.

It was shocking to Niall. He had never expected to strip down in front of the Zayn Malik before kissing him while they were in Zayn's bedroom. It was surreal, and it was messy. And zayn tasted like smoke and alcohol. It burned I'm the back of Niall's throat, but it was perfect. That kiss was everything at Niall had secretly wished for. 

A minute later, Zayn pulled back, grinning up at Niall goofily before laying down. "c'mon." he said before slipping off his final clothing article, the briefs falling in the pile of clothes on the floor. 

Niall turned a deeper shade of red, avoiding Zayn T all cost, walking to the other side of the bed and getting under the covers. 

It was horrible, really, how Niall had just broken about every rule that his parents had ever given him, but he didn't care at all when zayn slung one arm across the blonde's waist, pulling him closer. "g'night" was the last thing he heard before he fell into a dreamless sleep.


	4. Goodbye kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are just too lucky! Haha. Leave me feedback below? Please?

Niall woke up curled into Zayn's chest, and he smiled a bit, nuzzling into the soft skin. His muscles were smooth, and Niall took a moment to just memorize how beautiful he really was. "you stare at me a lot."he heard a sleepy Zayn grumble, and Niall laughed loudly and exuberantly. 

"yeah, I do." he said, his cheeks tinged pink. "and you still smoke a lot." he said, reaching a tentative hand down to trace Zayn's features softly, his calloused fingers moving slowly and gracefully. "well, I won't be this morning because /someone/ threw my pack over the balcony railing, prick." he said, nudging Niall in the ribs. Niall giggled. "hey, you're too pretty to die from Lung cancer." he said, "although, I will admit, you look really hot when you're smoking." he replied, biting his lip and shrinking into himself.

Zayn opened his eyes at that, looking up at the blond. He sat up, not saying anything for another minute, trying to think of something witty to say. "wait, /the/ Niall Horan thinks that I look hot while I smoke? There's some hope for you yet, Blondie." he said. "what would daddy think." Niall grumbled at the second part, shoving Zayn's chest. "don't bring him into this. He's not important." Niall said, his words being completely out of character. 

Zayn raised his eyebrows, "so, if daddy doesn't matter, I guess that means that I can give you a good morning blow job?" he asked, his eyes glinting,and niall's eyes widened in what almost looked like horror. "please don't." he said, scrambling away and falling off the bed. 

He still wasn't completely comfortable with the whole 'being gay' thing, and he didn't want his first sexual experience to be meaningless. Zayn sighed, pulling on a fresh pair of boxers and tossing a pair to Niall along with a pair of trackies. He stood up, leaving the room, and niall felt his heart sink. He stood up, changing into Zayn's boxers and sweats. He felt embarrassed by how they looked, sinking low on his hip bones because they were just a tad bit too big, but Niall wasn't complaining because they were soft and worn and /zayn's/ and they smelled just like him.

He left the bedroom, walking to the kitchen where Zayn was making coffee. "do you eat breakfast?" he asked Niall, some stupid cartoon playing on the tv in the background, and Niall couldn't help but think one thing: I could get used to this.

He wanted to wake up curled in zayn's arm while they have small play fights. And Niall wants to wear his clothes and drink coffee and make breakfast and cuddle while watching pointless cartoons that play on Saturday mornings.

Niall nodded. "I eat constantly." he informed with a shrug, looking around the kitchen. "i'll make breakfast if you want?" Niall offered, tentatively walking over to lean against the counter next to zayn, and the darker boy nodded. "yeah, sure." he said, "go ahead and use whatever." he added, smiling when the coffee machine beeped. Zayn took his black, needing something extra because of his lack of morning cigarette thing or whatever. 

Niall added tons of sugar, drinking his coffee contently while he sat on Zayn's kitchen counter. Zayn would come in and out, doing random things, and Niall got up to survey Zayn's fridge and pantry in search of breakfast food. He settled on making omlettes, getting everything out and setting them on the counter when there was a loud knock at the door. "Malik, open up right fucking now!" a man said, sounding angry and unkind. Niall froze, turning to look between Zayn and the door.

The older boy walked over to Niall, leaning down to whisper to him. "Get In my room, lock the door. Do not come out until I say you can." Niall nodded, his eyes clouded with fear. "and I mean it, Niall. You do not come out no matter what you hear happening, do you understand?" he said urgently while there were more angry hits at the door. Niall nodded, rushing off to hide in Zayn's bedroom, but he stayed close to the door, wanting to hear.

All he heard at first were hushed angry voices, and he frowned, wanting to understand why he was sent off to hide while Zayn stayed out there where it was more likely then not dangerous. After a few minutes, the voices got louder until the strange man was yelling. "so what, you think you can go and do that, Malik?! I /own/ you, so stop this shit, or I'll slit your throat and hire someone to dig you a shallow fucking grave." he said angrily, and Niall frowned, picturing a helpless Zayn cornered by a big man. 

"and if you /ever/ get caught up in this again, I will beat the fight right out of your pretty little body." he said. "look, I'm sorry-" zayn began, but his voice was cut short, and Niall heard skin connect to skin in what he could only assume was Zayn getting hit. 

"and I'm going to leave you a little reminder of that right now, you filthy little bitch, and you will /never/ do this again. You'll start working again in two weeks, Malik, when the bruises are mostly gone. And you won't get paid for at least another month or two because I had to pay your fucking dealer just so he didn't try to kill you. Good luck paying for your cute little flat now, bitch." the man ranted before hitting zayn again and again until Niall could hear quiet whimpers of pain escaping Zayn's lips.

Niall had never been in a situation even remotely similar to that, and he was scared. He wanted to run out there and beg the man to stop hurting him, but he knew that he couldn't do that. Zayn had told him that he couldn't. It was nearly an hour later when he heard the front door slam.

Niall ran out, moving quickly over to Zayn's broken form on the floor, and he bit back a gasp. He was pretty much bruised everywhere, and he was crying silent tears. Niall didn't say anything, scooping Zayn up and carrying him to the bathroom where he ran a cold bath to help with the pain. He set Zayn inside after stripping him down, returning with a t-shirt that he had wet with warm water to wash off the blood.

The bathwater was tinted, and Niall didn't know what to say. Zayn just stared ahead blankly, cold, mindless tears streaming down his cheeks. Niall helped him out, wrapping a towel around his waist and carrying him to the bedroom where he laid down next to him. 

There was nothing to say really. Niall had loads of questions that he knew couldn't be asked today...or anytime soon. He sighed sadly, whispering sweet words to Zayn who passed out from exhaustion minutes later. Niall searched around until he found some painkillers which he set on the small table beside Zayn's bed. He then went out to make himself breakfast as well as Zayn.

When he came back with Zayn's plate, he was awake. "zayn?" Niall asked timidly, sitting next to him and putting a bite near his lips. Zayn took the food, chewing and swallowing slowly. 

"zayn?" he repeated, continuing to feed him small bites of egg and cheese.

It was difficult for Niall to watch this happen, and he was starting to understand just how different he really was from Zayn. There were things that Zayn was hiding. "zaynie?" he tried again, his voice coming out meek and innocent. 

Zayn turned to look at him. "yes, Niall?" he asked, looking to him expectantly. Niall took in a shaky breath, setting the empty plate aside on the bedside table. "are you going to lose your flat?" he asked, his voice cracking. He didn't even want to imagine all of the trouble Zayn could get himself into if he was out on the streets.

Zayn thought, swallowing thickly, and he nodded. "probably." he said hoarsely, squeezing his eyes shut. "it's okay, though. I'll be okay." he said quietle, and Niall shook his head.

"zayn, you're not okay. You're hurt, and that was the second time in two days that I've had to clean you up after you've been beaten. What the hell is going on?" he said, wrapping an arm around Zayn's small waist.

Zayn pursed his lips, not answering Niall's question. "I can't tell you." zayn said, looking down at the ground. Niall, for some unknown reason, was annoyed by that, and he pulled his pale arm away, standing up and pulling on his button up. "I've gotta get home." he mumbled, turning sadly to the bedroom door. 

He left, moving to the front door and pulling on his converse when he heard Zayn behind him. "c'mon." zayn said. "I told you that I'd take you." he reminded, putting his sure hand on the small of Niall's back, leading him out to a black motorcycle. He handed Niall the helmet, "wrap your arms around my waist, okay?" he said softly to which Niall nodded. 

It was a weekend of firsts for Niall, and he shivered as the cold, bitter wind blew against him and Zayn while they rode. Niall shut his eyes, laying his head against Zayn's shoulder. The ride was over too quickly, and Niall sighed, silently praising Zayn for parking a few houses down. 

He pulled the helmet off, standing up and moving to walk in the opposite direction when he felt strong hands on his hips. "hey, Blondie. Turn around and let me give you your thank you kiss." he said against Niall's neck.

Niall turned around slowly, tilting his head up to peck Zayn on the lips. "that's all you get." he said, moving to walk away, but Zayn still had Niall's warm hand in his own, and it wasn't difficult to tug him back and kiss him swiftly, whispering a 'thank you, Niall" against his dry cracked lips, and Niall just nodded, pulling away from Zayn and walking home to his house, apologizing to his mom for not coming home that night, and trudging up to his room where he spent the whole day sleeping.


	5. Maybe next time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm taking advantage of my sick day! Merry early Christmas.

The brunette didn't show up to school that week, and Niall grew more and more worried by the day. He was nervous about the shape that zayn was in. He shook his head, walking home each afternoon, looking around the streets, wanting to be met with amber eyes. It never happened. 

 

He laid in bed on Friday night, squeezing his eyes shut. He shook his head. He was exhausted and afraid. He had been met with malicious nightmares each night when he shut his eyes. Watching the brutal murder of a beautiful boy with beautiful eyes and a sardonic smirk. He would walk over, taking the last bit of life from the dying frame of the man that he so desperately wanted to save. 

 

And each morning he'd wake, bags under his crystal clear eyes and anxiety in his normally calm heart. He didn't sleep that night, walking to liam's house and calling him out, asking Liam to drive him downtown. 

 

"no, Niall. It's nearly midnight. I shouldn't even be out here." Liam kept saying, shaking his head over and over again, but Niall was persistent. And eventually Liam just gave Niall his keys. "whatever you do just don't...don't get in a car accident. I need the car by tomorrow afternoon. I have a date." he said, pulling Niall in for a kiss on the cheek. "stay out of trouble." he said lowly. 

 

Niall nodded, thanking him before jogging to the truck, getting in and speeding downtown and to zayn's complex, getting out and running up to zayn's door, banging on it until it was answered. "zayn." he said breathlessly, staring at the bruised and bloodied boy. His face fell, and he came in, pulling zayn to the couch. 

 

"let me help you." was all he said, his head swimming in circles. 

 

The boy just stared at him, his eyes nearly swollen shut. He sniffled, opening his mouth to speak, but the blond shook his head, looking down. "no, shhhhh." he said softly, getting up to go run a bath for the raven haired boy. 

 

He stared at the clear water, deep in thought. Why? Why would anyone want to hurt zayn. Why would a single person on the earth want to hurt such a beautiful boy. Niall couldn't answer the question. There was no answer to that why. They just sat there in niall's head, tecked away and haunting. He stood up abruptly, looking around before walking back to Zayn. "c'mon." he said softly, leading him to the bathroom. 

 

Zayn avoided eye contact, waiting for a bit before cautiously discarding his shirt. Niall watched him cringe in pain while the cloth fell to the floor. The expanse of zayn's chest and back was covered in blues and yellows and purples, vicious bruises from harsh hits. The blue eyed boy reached out slowly, running a hand down Zayn's arm. 

 

The touch was reassuring and kind, it was niall's promise. He was promising zayn that it was okay, that it would get better. He adverted his eyes when zayn hooked his thumbs in his shorts, and he couldn't help but blush when he heard zayn's familiar chuckle. 

 

It was only after zayn was in the water that Niall looked at him again. "let me help you." he said again, and zayn just shook his head. It was frustrating for Niall to watch someone so free and strong be struck down. And zayn of course, wouldn't let him help. 

 

Niall squeezed his eyes shut. "zayn, I swear." he said lowly. "you will let me help you. I will not let you be out on the streets. You get in enough trouble as it is." he hissed. The darker boy was taken aback by that, giving Niall a slow once over. His eyes were distant, and he shrugged. "Niall, I'm fine." he argued. 

 

The blond shook his head. "Wash up, I'll be back in like ten minutes. There's no way you have any food right now. I'll go get a bit of food for you, and maybe some painkillers." he said softly, getting up and leaving the room.

 

It only took a few minutes to get to a grocery store. Niall swallowed thickly, stepping out into the cold night. He kept his head down, pulling his hood up. He walked in, grabbing foods that would last zayn a while and a bottle of ibuprofen before checking out and driving back to zayn's. 

 

He walked in, putting zayn's keys on the kitchen counter before putting away all of the food and walking to the bedroom where zayn was sitting on the bed, staring at the wall. Niall found it interesting because the stare wasn't blank. 

 

He could see zayn's thoughts swarming his brain, taking over everything. He walked over, leaning down so that they were eye level. He tilted his head a bit in silent question. "what would you like me to make? I got you quite a bit, and I'm not objected to helping you, y'know. In fact, I think I could probably get a job and help with your rent until you can work again." he rambled, continuing to tell zayn about how willing he was to make things easier. 

 

He only silenced when zayn stood up, pulling a new pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He left the room, leaving to the balcony. It took a moment for Niall to get back to earth, looking around before jogging to catch up with zayn. 

 

He already had a lit cigarette between his lips. Niall sighed at that, walking over and pulling zayn so that they were looking at eachother. "so what, you have no money, and you're wasting it on that?" he asked accusingly. The muscles in zayn's jaw tensed and untended a few times, and zayn pulled Niall close. "why're you here, Blondie?" he asked, sighing. 

 

Niall just looked up at him for a moment, trying to steady his breathing. He sighed, reaching up to brush zayn's hair out if his face. "I want to help you zayn, call me crazy, but I really do." he said softly. Zayn just stared at him for a while before nodding. "open your mouth." he said softly, and Niall frowned, opening his mouth a bit. Zayn took a drag, leaning down to blow the smoke into niall's mouth, waiting to see of it had been too much. 

 

Niall didn't even cough that time, kind of surprised that it wasn't the worst thing he'd ever experienced. He actually bit his lip, holding back a smile. They stood there for a while, just staring at eachother until finally, zayn leaned down to connect their lips. The smaller lad was surprised at first; it took him a moment to respond to the kiss. As soon as he caught up with what was happening, he kissed back, pulling zayn closer. 

 

It was less sloppy then the first, more organized, more needy. Zayn held him close by his hips, his large hands seemed sure, like he knew what he was doing. It contrasted starkly with niall's newness to the act. Niall's callaused hands tangled in Zayn's hair. Their lips moved in synch, quickly and desperately. 

 

It seemed like hours later when Niall pulled back, his lips swollen, his eyes fluttering open. His hand moved to zayn's cheek, feeling his soft skin. "you're kind of stunning...did you know that?" he asked softly, stepping back and pulling out of zayn's embrace, taking his hand and leading him inside. 

 

"so, how much is your rent?" he asked, taking zayn to the small kitchen and showing him what he had gotten for zayn to eat. The taller boy sighed, shaking his head. "no, absolutely not. I will not take your money, niall." he said sternly. 

 

Niall just rolled his eyes. "shut up, zayn. You're gonna listen to me." he said almost harshly. "you're either going to let me help, or you're going to come home with me and live at my house with my parents and my brother and i. Which means no smoking, no drinking,no drugs or whatever else you do, hiding tattoos, wearing nice clothes, being polite, doing well in school, going to church every weekend, living by my parents rules etcetera." he snapped. "so it's your choice. Whatever you want to do." he spat. 

 

Zayn was taken aback, swallowing thickly. "Niall, I can't take your money." he said uneasily to which the blond rolled his eyes. "shut up." he said, shaking his head. "you can and you will because I want to help you." he said, hopping up to sit on the counter. "so, how much is your rent?" he asked again. 

 

Zan sighed. "£400" he said softly, and Niall nodded. "okay, so I'll get a job then." he said softly. "and you are going to stay out of trouble." he said sternly to which zayn rolled his eyes. "okay, Blondie." he said, walking over to pick him up and throw him over his shoulder. 

 

Niall squealed, shaking his head. "put me down!" he demanded. Zayn carried him to the bathroom, throwing him onto the bed. "c'mon, Blondie, strip down. You must be tired." he said before dropping his sweats and boxers. 

 

Niall, of course, looked away before stripping down to his boxers. He looked at zayn when he heard a noise of disappointment. "what happened to the super hero briefs. I quite liked them." he said, and Niall flushed red, rolling his eyes and getting under the covers. 

 

"maybe next time, zayn." he said annoyedly. The darker lad chuckled, flicking the bedroom light off before getting in bed with him, moving over to pull him close. Niall turned even more red. "you're naked." he said quietly.

 

Zayn raised his eyebrows, smirking. "yeah...and sometime you will be too." he said, one of his hands moving to niall's bum. The blond looked away awkwardly. "you're very forward." he said uneasily, and zayn nodded, kissing him quickly. "and you're very cute." he said. 

 

"now, sleep." he said pulling Niall even closer and not mentioning how cute the blond's noise of surprise is. And he even keeps quiet when Niall draped his leg over zayn's waist."okay. G'night." he whispered.


	6. Raging hormones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am dedicating this chapter to @TheyCallMeQueen for being so damn lovely and supportive. I hope you love it.

Chapter six  
Niall woke early, and he frowned, opening his eyes to see that zayn was holding him. He was on top of Zayn, his face nuzzled into Zayn's neck. He groaned, sitting up and flushing when he remembered that Zayn wasn't wearing any clothes. He looked around before carefully getting out of zayn's firm grip. He ran a hand through his hair, biting his lip to hide his smile. 

 

He looked around the room before going to the bathroom and turning on the shower. He closed the door, turning to stare at himself in the mirror. His hair was absolutely crazy, and his cheeks were flushed pink. He looked more lively then he had in months, and it was strange. He smiled wide, using zayn's tooth brush to clean his white teeth, humming happily before dropping his boxers and getting under the hot water and shivering.

 

It takes a special person, he thinks, to not be afraid of tomorrow even when tomorrow seems lost and hopeless. A special person such as the certain amber haired, golden eyed, rebel that was asleep in the other room. A free spirit, his mind thought. A spirit that wasn't tied down by anything. He wished that he could be like that. Just doing what felt right. 

 

He began singing softly, closing his eyes and just letting himself be content. The freedom that he felt was almost unnerving, and the water made him feel new and beautiful and fresh. Today was a good day. "all I want is the taste that your lips allow. My my, my my, give me love. My my, my my, give me love." he sang softly, washing his hair.

 

It was new and fresh, and he didn't remember why he had used to feel so constrained, and he jumped when the door opened. "sounding good, Blondie. Want some breakfast?" zayn asked softly, still sounding almost asleep. The tone was soft like velvet, a bit scratch when looked at one way, but undeniably fuzzy the other. He giggled, mind wandering a bit. 

 

"yes please." he mused, peeking out from behind the curtain. "and g'morning." he said softly with a smile. "I hope you slept well. I did." he said happily. The young man staring back at him just nodded for a moment before walking into the room, closing the door. "yeah, I did too. I'd love to join you." he said slowly, staring at the blond cautiously, as if he were testing the ice, not wanting to freak the younger lad out. 

 

Niall flushed red, opening his mouth but not saying anything. The air was moist from steam, and he nodded, disappearing behind the curtain and facing the water, washing shampoo from his blonde hair.

 

Zayn was stunned, walking over and pulling back the curtain a bit, stepping in behind the Irish boy. Stunning. That was the only word that zayn could think of while he stared at the boy. Clear water flowing down his flawless cream colored skin, he was like an angel. "wow." he whispered lowly, reaching out carefully to pull Niall to his chest, wrapping his arms around the boys small waist.

 

"just wow." he whispered, chuckling. Niall couldn't help but find the entire situation completely erotic. He could feel every inch of zayn pressed firmly to his backside, and it was new and interesting and /hot/. 

 

He let out a shaky breath, turning to look up at zayn, his blue eyes sparkling. He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "zayn, I..." but he didn't finish, being cut off by zayn's lips. It was soft, and Niall was once again surprised, turning around in zayn's arms to make the angle better.

 

Zayn pulled back, smiling at him before leaning down to kiss ar niall's neck, sucking softly. It was new and exciting for the blond. He had no idea what he was doing, but he wanted more. More of zayn and his lips and his jokes and his smirks. He tilted his head, giving zayn easier access. "oh fuck." he said shakily, his grip on zayn's biceps tightening.

 

Niall pulled away so that he could lean up, kissing him harder, pushing his tongue into zayn's mouth. It was weird and different and completely out of character, but all Niall wanted was zayn. He wanted zayn's hands on him and zayn's mouth on him, and he couldn't hold back. He couldn't pretend that he didn't want this. 

 

Niall moaned into zayn's mouth, just letting his instincts take over. He wanted everything. The hot water was beating down, adding even more to how hot Niall felt. He had never had such an insatiable hunger for anything. And here zayn was, all badass and rebellious and /sexy/. So sexy, and Niall was completely losing it, becoming more and more desperate by the second. 

 

His hands traveled farther down, trailing across zayn's bruised chest. He could feel every dip where his abs were and every toned muscle. It was such a contrast, so different from his own body. 

 

Zayn smirked, glancing down and noticing that Niall was getting turned on. "babe." he said softly, shaking his head. He pulled back, pecking the blond before grabbing some body wash. 

 

Niall whined at the loss of contact. "tease." he muttered before getting out of the shower and grabbing a towel. Zayn sighed, running a hand over his wet face. He got out, turning off the water. He pulled a towel around his waist before running after Niall, scooping him up bridal style and looking down at him. "hey. Don't run away, babe." he said softly. "you and I both know that you aren't ready for that." he added, setting the blond on the bed and laying on top of him, 

 

"don't worry. I want you more then you want me...but I can control those raging hormones that make you want to jump on top of me." he teased, kissing at niall's jaw. "now c'mon, I told you that I'd make you breakfast. Help yourself to any clothes." he said softly. 

 

Niall nodded, sitting up when zayn was in the other room, and he flushed bright red, absolutely mortified. "Jesus Christ." he groaned, pulling on a pair of trackies. He collected himself before exiting the bedroom and walking over to the darker lad, hopping up on his counter. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can help with?" he offered softly, smiling up at zayn. 

 

It was quiet for a moment, while zayn put food together for the two of them, making them each a breakfast sandwich. He handed a plate to Niall. "nope. All you have to do is come eat with me." he said matter-o-factly before walking over to the small couch and plopping down, waiting for Niall patiently.

 

The blond scurried over, sitting down and eating all of the food that zayn had made for him. When it was gone, he flushed red, realizing how quickly he ate because that was so obviously not attractive. There was a smirk present on the other boy's face though, and he placed the remaining slices of bacon that he had on niall's plate. 

 

"I'm glad that you eat. Some of the girls that I've been with won't touch a thing. It's unnerving and stupid." he said softly, taking another bite. Niall was thrown off by that, frowning. "Im sorry. I thought you were gay." he said awkwardly after a moment, staring intensely at his hands and avoiding all eye contact.

 

The older boy sighed, running a hand through his hair. "niall, stop doing that. I'm not using you. I'm bisexual. Guys generally aren't into me though, so most of my experience just happens to be with females. It happens, y'know, and I am aware that you are gay, and quite possibly interested in me, and it's okay. I am not just using your kind heart and gorgeous face. You're quite lovely Niall, stop being so insecure." he said with an almost authoritative tone of voice. 

 

Niall felt zayn's hand moving niall's chin so that they were making eye contact again, niall's big blue eyes glassy. Zayn sighed, pecking him before wiping his eyes. "no crying, Blondie." he said softly. "don't make me feel guilty about being different then you. I already feel bad enough." he said

 

Niall's frown deepened at that. "why do you feel bad?" he snapped, flinching at his own tone of voice. "sorry." he muttered after to which zayn shook his head. "I'm taking your money, Niall. I'm letting you waste you're time and money on me, and it's not fair to you." he said softly, and Niall shook his head.

 

"shut up."he said, swatting zayn's shoulder before taking the older boys plate and walking to the sink. "I want to, and you know it. I am trying to help you because I care about you. There is nothing wrong with me caring, zayn. Let it go." he said, washing the plates while zayn stayed silent. 

 

Niall walked back to the bedroom, rummaging around for a t-shirt. He eventually found one that he liked, and he smiled, smelling the worn fabric. It smelled faintly of smoke and mint and maybe a bit like paint. It smelled just like zayn, intoxicating. He pulled it on before grabbing his jacket and tugging it on, leaving his own clothes next to zayn's bed. 

 

He walked out to find zayn still on the couch, staring at some random show on the television. He leaned down to peck zayn before sighing. "I have to go. I borrowed liam's truck, and I need to get it back...and I sort of just left my house last night, so my parents will be positively fuming." he said, smiling a bit. 

 

It was almost surprising how quickly zayn was on his feet. "I'll walk you out." he said, grabbing his own keys before wrapping his arm around niall's waist and leading him out and Down to the parking lot. 

 

They just stared at eachother for a while, blue against amber, but eventually, zayn swooped down to kiss him slowly. He sighed when he pulled back, opening his eyes. "you can keep that shirt, looks better on you." he said softly, and then he chuckled. "and if you wear the sweats around me you can keep those too. I love hoe they look on those hips of yours." he said lowly, winking. 

 

"call me, Blondie...and I'll see you on Monday." he said, walking away before Niall could get his number. Niall frowned, fishing out his phone and thumbing through his contacts, chuckling when he saw Zayn at the very end.

 

The drive seemed longer then normal, and he smiled to himself, thinking about how much of zayn he had experienced the night before, he liked that side of zayn. He missed seeing that zayn when he wasn't around. 

 

Parking in front of liam's house, he sighed, getting out and ringing the doorbell. Liam ran down the stairs, answering and smiling at him. "hello, Niall. Nice outfit." he teased, leaning down to kiss niall's cheek. "come in, you have quite a bit to tell me about, I do believe." he said, tugging niall's arm and laughing in a lively manner, slamming the door shut. Niall just blushed, nodding and thinking that there was no way this would end well.


	7. For the first time

Niall laid down on Liam's bed, keeping quite for a long moment as he stared at the plain white ceiling. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. It was difficult for the young man to explain his feelings about everything to Liam, his lovely best friend. It took him at least ten minutes to sort his thoughts properly.

 

"I'm gay." he blurted out, covering his mouth immediately, his breathing sped up. Afraid that Liam would force him out, he squeezed his eyes shut, pulling his knees to his chest. Niall couldn't stop the sadness and the terror that he felt deep inside. 

 

The surprise he felt when liam's strong arms were suddenly holding him close was immediate and intense. He looked up, scared to his best friend.

 

"do you hate me?" he asked brokenly, and liam shook his head, quickly. "no, of course not." the older boy assured, kissing niall's forehead. "I could never hate you, especially for something like that. Why should I push you out for loving another human being...even if it is Zayn." he said slowly as if to make sure his assumption was correct.

 

Niall stayed silent for a while. "he's special, Liam." Niall said. "I know that you don't believe me, but it's true. He's hurt and scared and alone and....he just needs someone." he tried to explain, staring at Liam with wide blue eyes. Liam didn't say anything for a moment; he just nodded. 

 

"okay." he said softly. "tell me about what's been going on with you two." he said slowly. Niall nodded, blushing. He was quite embarrassed to tell Liam about everything that had happened, and he decided to skip over some of the things. 

 

An hour later, Liam was still completely engrossed. Niall was going on and on, blushing and gushing and giggling. A beautiful smile, gracing his face. "He is so gorgeous. God." he said with a giggle.

 

Liam cooed, reaching for his hand. "you really like him...you should tell him." he said softly, ruffling niall's hair. "I'd be willing to bet money that he likes you just as much. You should introduce me, invite his to have lunch with us or something." Liam offered, laying down. "I'm honestly not surprised. You've been eye-fucking him for years. Tell me, was it the smoking that you found sexually appealing or just the fact that he doesnt give a shit?" he asked, chuckling. 

 

Niall turns a deep shade of red, looking down. "stop it." he said quietly. "I haven't been eye-fucking him. I just...he's different. Than everyone else. And he's so.../wrong/." he said with a chuckle. "I dunno...I just never expected myself to be into someone like him. "he's all sexy and sultry and..." he trailed off, biting his lip.

 

"Niall horan...I need to place a bet on how soon you'll lose your virginity." he said seriously, nodding once. "I'm going with...less than two months from today." he said, and Niall was mortified. He stood up immediately, grabbing his stuff. 

 

'you have a date to get ready for. Have a nice night with Dani. Tell her that I say hello." he said before rushing out of the house, sneaking into his own, and freezing when he saw his father standing at the top of the stairs.

 

"Niall James Horan." he said lowly, his eyes intense. Niall flinched back a bit, his eyes scanning the room. "dad...." he trailed off, taking a step back. The next hour was a blur. There was screaming and throwing things, broken glass, a belt, a bit more screaming, and things only got worse when Niall opened his mouth to respond. 

 

His father paled, his face falling. Niall was still cowering, curled up in the corner of the living room, a bloody nose, bruises already forming. He looked only at his fathers feet, shivering. 

 

"what do you mean you're gay?" he demanded, his voice more hushed than it had previously been. Niall swallowed thickly. "I had assumed it was pretty self-explanatory." he said quietly, his vocal chords tense enough for his voice to come out hoarse, quiet. 

 

"get out of my house. Take your things, and don't come back." he said turning on his heels and walking up to his own room. 

 

Niall stayed still on the floor for what seemed like a long while before standing up and going upstairs. He pulled out his duffle bag before pulling down as many clothes as he could fit inside, adding his laptop on top and grabbing all of his money. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, sniffing when he saw the blood smeared across his skin. 

 

He pulled the duffle over his shoulder before leaving the house, tears in his eyes. He looked down to liam's house, cursing when he saw that liam's truck was gone. Liam was gone. Niall was alone.

 

He pulled out his phone, dialing Zayn's number and dialing. He waited for a minute, letting out a relieved sigh when he heard a soft "hello." coming from Zayn. He sniffled.

 

"hello." he said quietly, new tears forming in his eyes. He could hear Zayn moving, shifting position. "what's wrong, Niall?" he asked calmly.

 

Niall swallowed thickly, shaking his head. "C-can I stay with you?" he asked, his voice shaking while the tears fell past his eyes, streaking his face. He heard Zayn grad his jacket and helmet. "of course you can....where are you? Are you at your house?" he asked, and Niall made an almost choking sound, nodding. 

 

"yeah." he said hoarsely. "I'm sorry." he added after, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand, tears mixing with his blood. He let out a shaky breath. "I mean...can I /stay/ with you?" he asked again, and zayn was quiet for a minute. 

 

"my answer hasn't changed. Of course you can, Niall. Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you." he said softly, and Niall nodded. "okay." he said softly, ending the call before throwing his phone down the pavement, smiling with a sort of sick joy as he watched it break. 

 

He sat on the curb, waiting patiently until Zayn pulled up on his bike, looking down. "you are a right mess, Mr. Horan." he said softly, offering Niall a hand, pulling him up. "hold tight onto that. It's going to be difficult to ride with that." he said, looking at Niall's bag. "c'mon." he said, getting on the bike.

 

A couple minutes later, Niall had figured out exactly how to hold onto both Zayn and his things, clutching them both tight like a lifeline, closing his eyes and pretending like everything was going to be okay. 

 

When they arked in front of the apartment, Niall stood up, taking off the helmet and pulling his duffle bag closer. He leaned into Zayn, allowing the older boy to lead him up to the familiar flat. 

 

Zayn took him to the bedroom, throwing his bag on the bed before pulling him in for a kiss, holding him gently. There was something about the way that Zayn was holding him. It was different than before. It was more gentle, more caring. 

 

He pulled back, opening his eyes and staring up at the darker man. "I need to shower." he said softly, running a hand through his hair. Zayn nodded. "I'm going to clear you some space in the closet." he said softly. "but you're always welcome to wear anything that's mine." he added, nodding. 

 

Niall just nodded, going to the bathroom and showering, cleaning himself up and then staring at himself in the mirror. His chest and abdomen was all bruised up, as were his arms. He shivered, staring at his bruised nose and black eye. 

 

Not wanting to be in that state for any longer, he went out to grab a pair of boxers and some sweats and a long sleeved shirt, covering all of the bruises that he could. 

 

He found it strange that Zayn never once pressed him for answers, never asked any questions. He just made space for Niall, making Niall feel at home. He walked over, pulling Niall to his chest. "I'm going for a smoke." he said softly, kissing the smaller boy's temple. "c'mon." he said, pulling him out onto the small balcony, grabbing a pack from his back pocket and a lighter from his front. He lit a cigarette, offering it to Niall first. 

 

He took the poison cautiously, taking a small drag, his eyes widening when he didn't choke. Zayn smiled, taking the poison back, and this time, Niall watched as Zayn took slow, long drags. 

 

"it still confuses me...how it looks so sexy when you do it. Almost makes me have my own soft of death wish." he said, shaking his head. Zayn smiles back at him, nodding. "lots of practice is all." he said. "c'mon, you look like you could use a cuddle." he added, taking the smaller man's hand and leading him to the bed.

 

Tonight I'd the first night gpthst zayn doesn't make Niall take off his clothes, pulling back the covers and waiting patiently for Niall to join him instead. As soon as the blonde lad was under the covers, zayn pulls him close, kissing his cheek. "sleep well, beautiful. I'll be right here when you wake up."


	8. Death wish

Niall woke up cocooned in blankets, his eyes red and puffy. He looked around the room, startled when he noticed Zayn, leaning against the wall, watching him closely. The blond sat up, swallowing thickly, and he was surprised when zayn was next to him within seconds. "good morning, princess." he said softly, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "how are you feeling? Is anything broken?" he asked, sounding completely concerned. Niall swatted at him before leaning against his chest, keeping quiet for a while.

 

"I'm fine, honest." he whispered, looking up at him. "I'm sorry." he added a second later. "you probably don't really want me here. I mean not on a permanent basis. Not every night...and here I am...and..." he sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, and zayn shook his head. 

 

"you're being an idiot." he said, frowning at him. "I love having you here. You're a little ray of beautiful sunshine." he said with a straight face. "and here you are. And y'know, that means more kissing, and more arguing about my bad habits, and I will praise your god if I get to see you naked more often because Jesus Christ, you are a stunner, Niall Horan." he said, chuckling. "and right now you're bruised up and swollen and it looks like it hurts. And I wish that I could make you feel better." he said with a smile.

 

Niall smiled at him, biting his lip and flushing bright red. " stop it." he said. "stop it right now or I'll hit you." he said, leaning up to kiss at his jaw, scrunching his nose up because zayn was stubbly and it scratched at his lips. "you're quite sexy, did you know that?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. 

 

"I believe you've informed me a couple of times." he said, smirking. "so. It's just me and you, beautiful boy. And i'm going to kiss you." he said with a chuckle, and the younger boy just nodded, leaning in slowly, his body at an awkward angle. He scrunched up his nose, moving to his knees and squeaking in surprise when Zayn pulled him onto his lap. Niall blushed, smiling at him sheepishly. "okay." he said softly.

 

Zayn was kissing him then, no slow build up. Niall's hands found there way to the hair at the nape of his neck, and he hummed softly, closing his eyes. Zayn tasted of smoke and cinnamon, and it was the most pleasant thing he could have ever imagined. Zayn was assertive and gentle at the same time, his stubble rubbing against the blond's cheek, their noses bumping a couple times. 

 

A minute later, Niall pulled back to breathe, his eyes still shut. "you're such a good kisser. Fuck, Zayn." he said with a breathless chuckle. "you make me crazy." he added, opening his eyes to see Zayn staring back at him, his pupils dilated, his face intense. 

 

It caught Niall offgaurd, his eyes widening. 

 

They stared at eachother for what seemed like ions before Niall went to move off of Zayn's lap, flushing red when Zayn's fingers tightened on his waist. "no." he said slowly, shaking his head. "I have you right where I want you." he said, chuckling, rubbing circles on his hipbones. 

 

Niall let out a shaky breath, hiding his face in Zayn's neck. "stop." he whined, nuzzling at his warm skin, and Zayn shook his head. "never." he said, kissing the top of Niall's head. "did you know that you are absolutely stunning?" he asked, and Niall rolled his eyes, pushing away to get off of Zayn's lap again. "stop." he repeated, giving Zayn a look. 

 

"if you keep looking at me like that, I will not be able to control myself." he said seriously. Niall frowned, cocking his head to the side. "how do you mean?" he asked, reaching out to touch Zayn's cheek and in less then a second, Zayn was there, straddling him. 

 

"Niall, you are irresistible. I want you so bad. I want to taste you. And to feel you. And to be inside of you, but I know you're not ready for that. And I respect you and your boundaries, but if you keep looking at me like that, I will get impatient." he said, causing Niall to be speechless and red and embarrassed. 

 

"that was incredibly...forward." he forced out, and zayn just nodded slowly, leaning down to kiss at his jaw for a minute before making his way back to Niall's lips, kissing him hard. Niall made a noise of approval against Zayn's rough lips. He didn't know what was happening, but he just decided to let it happen, focusing on Zayn's heartbeat which he could feel steady beneath his fingertips. 

 

He hadn't realized how strong Zayn was until then, his biceps flexed while he held himself above Niall, kissing him fiercely. Niall felt entirely new to everything, not knowing how he was supposed to react to all of this, his hands on Zayn's back, pulling him closer. His cheeks were flushed, and he needed to breathe, turning his face to the side.

 

"I need to breathe, Zee." he said softly, chuckling. Zayn nodded, kissing at his neck. "you taste good." he muttered between kisses, and Niall giggled. "you're still on top of me. I need food. Get off." he said, moving to sit up. 

 

Zayn stood up fluidly, nodding. "I was on top of you." he said, chuckling. "c'mon." he said, taking niall's hand and pulling him to the kitchen, taking out sandwich stuff and making them each a sandwich, handing Niall a plate before leaning in to kiss him.

 

Niall rolled his eyes, walking over to the couch. "what's up with you today? You're all over me." he pointed out, plopping down and taking a large bite of his sandwich, waiting for Zayn to come and sit with him, smiling when he could lean into Zayn's side.

 

"I just like kissing you, is all. Cuz you're mine now. And I like to remind you." he said, wrapping one arm around his waist. Niall raised his eyebrows, biting his lip. "yours?" he asked, kissing Zayn's shoulder. "I didn't know that I was all yours." he said, chuckling.

 

Zayn shrugged. "mine." he said again, ruffling niall's hair. "and now that we're living together....I should probably tell you some things....that you might not be too happy about..." he trailed off, and Niall looked up at him questioningly.

 

"should I be worried?" he asked slowly, raising his eyebrows. Zayn stared at the wall for a minute. "I don't think anything is...worrisome persay." he said, glancing at Niall. "but you still might freak out a bit."

 

Niall nodded, waiting in about fifteen minutes of complete silence, getting more and more agitated and nervous. "zayn." he snapped.

 

Zayn looked down at him, still chewing on his lip. "you need to tell me what is happening." he said seriously, leaning up to kiss him. 

 

Zayn nodded slowly, keeping quiet for a minute. "so...I have in the past had....some run ins with...like drugs and stuff." he said quietly, avoiding eye contact with Niall. "don't freak out." he added. The blond just nodded. "I figured. What have you done?" he asked, sighing.

 

Zayn shrugged. "weed...a bit of some y'know like...harder stuff." he added, still avoiding eye contact. "zayn." Niall said seriously. "I asked you a question, Zee. What have you done?" he asked again. 

 

"club drugs." he said quietly. "MDMA...LSD...and y'know....a couple of run ins with like...cocaine." he said awkwardly, sighing and running a hand through his hair. "Jesus Christ, Zee....you're going to kill yourself." he said, sighing loudly. "do you still do drugs?" he asked, and Zayn was quiet for a minute.

 

"only on occasion." he said awkwardly, reaching for Niall's hand. Niall stared at their hands, shaking his head. "you're really stupid, did you know that?" he accused, and Zayn flinched. "so stupid. And you're so intelligent is what makes no fucking sense. You have so much potential...and you're killing yourself!" he said,his voice getting louder. 

 

He really didn't want to deal with Zayn's issues right then, and he sighed, taking their plates to the sink and starting to wash them. Zayn groaned, looking over at him. "Niall, come here. I'm not done." he said, and Niall threw the plate at the wall, staring at him with angry eyes. "what, you do meth too? A bit of black tar?" he asked, His laugh coming out a bit delirious. "cuz that's just fucking perfect." he said, hitting the counter.

 

And Zayn was standing next to him a minute later. "no, I do not shoot heroine...and I do not do meth. Calm down and listen to me. The next part isn't about drugs." he said, staring at Niall, holding his wrists. "you need to calm down." he said, shaking his head. 

 

Niall was breathing hard, staring at him. "I don't want you to die." he said quietly, and Zayn nodded, his expression soft. "I'm not going to die, Niall." he said, hugging the blond boy close. "maybe we should just talk later, y'know." but Niall shook his head.

 

"finish." he said seriously. Zayn sighed. "it's not a big deal, okay? I just work at a strip club. I'm a stripper. And it's okay." he said slowly, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping that Niall would stay calm.

 

"absolutely not." Niall said, pushing zayn away and hitting him once. "what do...no. Asolutely not. I...no." he rambled, glaring at him. "why would you ever...no...I can't." he sighed, squeezing his eyes shut.

 

"Niall, calm down. It's not a big deal." he said, taking his hand. "you need some sleep. And I need to get ready for work because it's going to take Nick like three hours to cover up the rest of my bruises." he said, kissing Niall's forehead. 

 

"I'm dating a stripper." he said, staring at him. "a drug addicted stripper...who smokes too much." he added, sighing and running a hand through his hair. 

 

"come with me to the club. You can see that it's not a big deal. I'll give you a free lap dance." he offered, pulling Niall in by his waist. "please?" he added before kissing at niall's cheek. "it's not a big deal, I promise." 

 

It took a minute for Niall to respond, nodding slowly. "fine, Zayn. You're an asshole though." he said, hitting his chest again before hugging him tight. "god, why did I have to fall for you...at this rate...you'll be dead before college." he said. But Niall stayed up waiting that night, them having decided that it was best of him to wait until his bruises had faded. Niall didn't want anyone to call the cops on his Zayn.


	9. All that glitters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this one goes out to archangelsings ;) for being lovely. I hope you enjoy the product of me being sick!

Two weeks later, Niall stared at zayn, pulling on one of Zayn's jumpers and a pair of jeans. Zayn was changing too, into a pair of trackies and a tank top. Pulling on his leather jacket, he walked over to Niall, leaning down to kiss him softly. "not a big deal." he promised, nodding. 

 

Niall sighed, running a hand through his hair, you are a horrible person." he said, pecking him once. "let's go." he added, pulling away and looking around the flat again. Zayn nodded, wrapping an arm around his waist. "and just so you know...the other dancers are friends...and they're...characters. Just, don't take any of them too seriously, okay?" he said, kissing niall's temple. The blond nodded, leaning into Zqyn's side and inhaling deeply. 

 

He had grown accustom to the smell of cigarettes, and it no longer bothered him. He let Zayn lead him down to the motorcycle. He got on behind zayn, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist, putting on his helmet as well. 

 

Niall quite liked riding on the back of zayn's motorcycle. He liked watching things as they flew past him. He liked knowing that if Zayn did once thing wrong, that he could very well be dead. That fact would freak people out, but not Niall. He found it incredibly exhilarating. He felt like he was flying. 

 

A few minutes later, they were parked in front of a club. Niall pulled his helmet off, looking up at the sign. He sighed, shaking his head before standing up. He reached for Zayn's hand, interlocking their fingers. He waited for Zayn to pull him inside, walking to the back, through a door that read 'Performers Only' in glittery black letters. 

 

Niall looked around wide eyed. There were hair and makeup chairs and different racks all filled with costumes and a large couch, and there were a couple of people there, all of whom were young attractive men. Niall flushed red. 

 

In seconds, an attractive boy with feminine features was on his feet, walking over and pecking Zayn, gushing about how much he had missed him. Zayn nodded, ruffling the man's hair before explaining that he needed to have nick fix him up. 

 

Louis nodded, watching Zayn walk off before turning to Niall. "and who might this be?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. He chuckled, taking his hand. "I'm Louis, and you, my dear, are the cutest thing that I've ever laid eyes on." he said, giving Niall a slow once over. Until that moment, Niall hadn't really taken him in. He was only in boxer briefs; his body looked soft and curvier than most men. Niall smiled awkwardly.

 

"so, what's your name, sweetie?" he asked, a smirk on his lips. Niall bit his lip, flushing bright red. "I'm Niall." he said. Louis took his hand, pulling him to the couch, laughing excitedly. "don't be embarrassed, I'm perfectly okay with your staring. I'm Pretty, right?" he said, pushing Niall down before sitting on his lap.

 

"so, Niall. You're Zayn's...boyfriend? I'm assuming boyfriend because zayn wouldn't bring just anyone here. Only someone that he trusted." he said slowly. "and you are beautiful. I'd love to touch you." he said simply, leaning in to peck him. "creamy skin...mmmm." he said, chuckling. "but you're a bottom boy, right? Maybe not....do you like to top?" he asked, playing with the collar of Niall's jumper. 

 

Niall was at a loss for words, frowning deeply. "I...I dunno." he stumbled out, and Louis nodded. "but you do think that I'm pretty, right? You'd like to feel me? I'm quite soft." he said, and Niall squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, not knowing how to react to the situation.

 

"Niall, you aren't answering me, sweetie." he said, and Niall opened his eyes slowly, shrugging. "yeah, you're absolutely beautiful." he said, feeling his blush all the way through his ears. Louis giggled, taking his hand. "you can feel if you'd like. Zayn doesn't mind, he knows that I'm harmless." he said, pulling niall's hand to his waist, grinning down at him. 

 

Niall frowned, swallowing thickly. "calm down, Niall. We're just friends is all. And I'm very sexually open. And I like to give pretty boys like yourselves a little....something extra." Niall just stared at him. "god dammit, sweetie. You can touch me, it's okay, baby." he said, chuckling. 

 

Niall shook his head, still confused. Louis leaned in to kiss at Niall's jaw. "c'mon, you know that you want to." he said with a chuckle, kissing up to his lips, pecking him again. Niall laughed uneasily, looking around, his hands still on Louis' waist. "you're a good guy, thinking about Zayn, right?" he said. "zayn wouldn't mind. He understands that I'm a little weird. I approach friends differently then most people. I like being touched. Not even in a sexual way. It just makes me feel pretty." he explained, chuckling. 

 

Niall chuckled again, biting his lip. "you're very handsy." he agreed, and Louis nodded. "of course I am." he said. "I like it when pretty boys pay attention to me." he said. "just ask my boyfriend. He's around here someone. Haz?!" he called out, looking around, waiting a minute before a grin spread across his face. 

 

He was off of Niall's lap in seconds, running over to hug a tall, curly haired man in a pair of trackies. "Look! Zayn has a boyfriend, and he's precious!" he said excitedly, pulling the boy over. "Niall, this is the love of my life, Harry Styles." he said, and Niall stood, smiling a bit awkwardly. 

 

"hi." he said with a chuckle, running a hand through his hair. "it's nice to meet you." he said, and Harry nodded, smiling. "I'm sorry about him. He's just a bit different is all. I hope he didn't make you uncomfortable." he said, his voice low and effortlessly sensual. Niall shrugged. "he's not making me uncomfortable I just...have never met someone who wants me to feel him up." he said, chuckling. 

 

Harry laughed. "well, I bet you get loads of men who want to feel you up, you're gorgeous." he said, giving Niall a once over. "zayn found a keeper, i'd say." he said, sitting down on the couch, pulling Louis onto his lap. "I'm a dancer as well. Are you? You'd have loads of regulars." he said, and Niall shook his head rapidly. "oh no, definitely not. I don't...no." he said, laughing awkwardly.

 

Harry nodded. "that's a bummer. I'd love to see you around here in a costume." he said, smiling down at Louis affectionately while the other boy kissed at his cheek. They were completely adorable and undeniably strange. 

 

Niall watched them with a small smile, cooing a bit. Louis looked over, raising his eyebrows. "you think we're cute. Thank you." Louis said, reaching over to caress Niall's cheek. "I hope zayn has been taking good care of you, Niall. Has he? Do I need to fix him up?" he asked with a chuckle, leaning his head on Harry's chest. 

 

"zayn has been lovely." Niall assured. "I wish he wasn't so stupid and careless, but he's absolutely lovely." he explained, nodding. Louis nodded, smiling at him. "I'm glad....so, are you excited to watch him dance?" he asked curiously, tilting his head to the side. 

 

Niall was quiet for a minute, "not exactly." he admitted, looking down at his hands unsurely. Louis reached over to ruffle his hair. "it's really not like a big thing." he said softly. "honestly, I bet he thinks of you the entire time." he pointed out, chuckling. "Niall, we're performers. We perform. And trust me, I like attention a shit ton more then the next guy...and I'm still thinking of Harry. Because he's my everything." he said softly, smiling wide. "it's really nothing to worry about." 

 

Niall nodded, smiling at him. "now, just as a question. Should I wear blue or red or pink tonight?" he asked, raising his eyebrows, and Niall laughed, shrugging. "I dunno. What color do you prefer?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. 

 

"what color do /you/ prefer?" he asked again, staring directly at Niall. "red...I guess." he said, and Louis nodded, smiling. "thanks, sweetie. I'm rather indecisive at times." he explained, and Niall nodded. Running a hand through his hair. 

 

"you look overwhelmed." Harry noted, chuckling. "not your scene, yeah?" he asked, raising his eyebrows, and Niall shook his head rapidly. "no. I've never stepped foot inside of a club....ever. I like to read and watch Netflix and cuddle and...I've never been to a club before." he rambled, and Louis chuckled. "you should let us give you a stripper makeover." Louis said.

 

Niall stared at him for a minute before breaking out in a fit of giggles. "I'm just here to watch my Zayn dance. I'm definitely not a stripper." he said, shaking his head. "we're looking for a bartender." Harry pointed out. "we could still sex you up...you just wouldn't be on stage." Niall stared at him again. "I also don't know shit about alcohol...just cuz I'm Irish doesn't mean that I'm practiced in the art of making drinks. I like to cuddle and read books, remember." he pointed out.

 

Harry shook his head. "you could learn. And you could keep an eye on your boy." he added. "keep zayn out of trouble. Just think about it." Niall rolled his eyes, nodding dismissively, smiling when Zayn came in all of his fading bruises out of sight. He walked over, pulling Niall up so that he could sit down with the blond on his lap.

 

"so, I see you've been chatting with Harry and Louis, the most unconventional and adorable couple ever." he said, winking at Harry who just rolled his eyes. Niall nodded slowly. "uhm...yeah, we're well aquatinted. Niall said, shrugging and zayn nodded once. 

 

"so, come with me. I need to pick out something to wear." he said, kissing Niall chastely, staring at him with a smirk, and Niall swallowed thickly. "Jesus christ...I cannot handle this." he muttered before standing up, following zayn closely.


	10. Looking so pretty

"you look good in leather." he said with bright pink cheeks and a small smile. Zayn looked at Niall with an amused expression. "why thank you." he said, grabbing the small costume and looking it over. "so, do you like the boys?" he asked, turning his full attention to Niall.

 

"I do. They're both very nice. Claim they want to see me all sexed up." he said with a laugh, shaking his head. Zayn leaned down to kiss his cheek. "yeah, you'd look good half naked...you do look good half naked. You look good completely naked...you just always look good, Niall." he complimented, causingthe smaller boy to hit him gently, laughing.

 

"you three need to stop that." he said seriously, staring up at zayn, remaining completely silent for a moment. "you top, right?" he asked curiously, reaching up to trace Zayn's jawline. The older boy stared at him for a minute, nodding slowly. "yeah. I've never bottomed before, why?" he asked. 

 

Niall shrugged, blushing. "Louis asked me if I topped or bottomed. I told him that I didn't know." he explained, hiding his face in Zayn's neck. Zayn nodded in understanding. "does sex still make you nervous?" he asked, rubbing the blonde's back. 

 

Niall shrugged, keeping quiet. Zayn laughed softly. "you need to embrace your sexuality." he said. "you're gay, and you're sexy as fuck. And you look fucking perfect naked. You just need to be comfortable, y'know." he said, pulling away and making Niall look up at him. "so gorgeous. I mean, the guys want to see you in lingerie or a thong or leather or a costume or something. And you just blush and roll your eyes, but there is a reason. It's because you're absolutely stunning." he said, laughing softly.

 

"they want me to work the bar." he said, hacking his head. Zayn nodded slowly. "it'd be fun." he pointed out. "c'mon..." he said. "wait, no. Louis, Haz!" he called, leaning down to kiss him chastely. He smiled down at Niall reassuringly, turning to the boys when they came over. "okay, so what do you think Niall would look good in?" he asked.

 

Louis beams, clapping his hands together before leaning in to kiss Niall chastely. "blue. He'll look good in anything blue." he said simply, nodding once. "can I put him in a corset? Please let me get him into some lingerie." Louis pleaded, looking entirely too excited. Harry laughed, "or like...just a pair of briefs." he suggested, walking over to a different rack of clothing. "Calum, we're using one of your pieces." he yelled, bringing a pair of sequinsed, American flag briefs. "Calum is the closest to your size, I believe." Harry said. 

 

Niall just stared at the three men. "I..." he trailed off, shaking his head slowly. "zayn rolled his eyes. "c'mon, princess. We'll be the only three to see you, if you want." he said. "comfortable in your body and your sexuality, remember?" he said, kissing him softly. 

 

"can I please put him in a corset?" Louis asked again, louder that time, and Harry laughed, swatting Louis gently. "you have to ask /him/, Louis." the curly haired man said, sending a wink towards Niall, beaming happily. 

 

"please Niall? Please? You'd look so pretty. So so so pretty. I have three different shades of blue. You can pick." he pleaded, putting on his best pouty face. 

 

Niall swallowed thickly, looking between the three men. "I feel very overwhelmed." he said shakily, looking down at his hands. Louis walked over to him, pulling him into a tight hug. He was warm, and Niall was taken aback. "it's just...a lot." he said, and Louis shook his head. "but you'll look so fucking pretty." he said softly, kissing niall's cheek. 

 

Niall rolled his eyes, sighing. "fine. Whatever." he muttered, and louis' face lit up. Niall was then tugged over to Louis' costume rack. "which one do you want?" he asked, pointing out three different colors. "you choose." he says stiffly, watching Louis pick an outfit before he dragged Niall over to a dressing room. 

 

"okay, so this is a zip up corset with a Lacey bodice. And the panties are lace too. And this color will contrast with your skin so nicely." Louis said, reaching for the hem of niall's shirt, tugging it off. "see, look at you." he said happily. "you're all cream colored and soft. Stunning, really." he complimented. 

 

Niall blushed red, letting Louis zip him in. "you're going to need to take both your trousers and your pants off before you can put your undies on." Louis pointed out, moving closer and undoing niall's jeans so casually that it was almost absurd.

 

Ten minutes later, Louis had completely explained all-things-lingerie to Niall, missing up his hair a bit before chuckling. "let's let zayn have a look at you, then." he said, tugging the smaller boy out of the room, clearing his throat to catch the attention of zayn and Harry. 

 

Niall bites his lip, walking out behind Louis, and the response takes him completely by surprise. Zayn reaches out to touch his hip, feeling the sheer material, his eyes wide and dark. "Jesus Christ...I'm buying you some lingerie." he muttered, taking in every inch of niall's clear skin. 

 

"damn. You look nearly as good as Louis in that outfit." he said, reaching down to stroke his thumb across niall's hipbone. "sexy." he mused. "not get out and go put on the boy shorts. More you, I reckon. Fits your personality better." he said, ushering Niall into the room. 

 

It takes him only moments to get Niall from one outfit to the other, grinning happily. "I could actually just eat you up. "seriously, we don't open for another hour or so. We should get you on the pole...just to see how well you move." he said, "I for one would love to see you up there dancing." he said, dipping down to kiss him softly and chastely. 

 

"Louis is in makeup. I'll send zayn in...I need to get into hair and makeup as well. You look stunning, Irish." he said before leaving Niall alone in the room. 

 

He stared at himself in the mirror, not even seeing the meek boy that he normally felt like. He saw Zayn behind him in the mirror and smiled. "do you like it?" he asked, turning around, and zayn nodded, keeping quiet. 

 

"if you and I were already intimate, I would take you on the table right there." he informed cheekily before kissing Niall slowly, his tongue in the blonde's mouth before Niall even knew what was happening.

 

Harry thinks that I should try dancing before the club opens." Niall said against his lips, in between fervent, massy kisses. Zayn's nodded. "it's all up to you, Gorgeous." he said. "maybe tomorrow...or maybe at home." he said. "I'll teach you how to give a proper lap dance, yeah?" he said with a chuckle, kissing the blond again,

 

Niall felt weirdly out of his element and at home in the same moment. It wasn't u til the door opened that Niall and zayn split apart. 

 

"Jesus, there you are, Malik. You're up after Ashton tonight, okay? Harry said that you're going with leather?" he said, and Niall froze, keeping his face impassive. He recognized the voice from that day at zayn's flat. 

 

He didn't think about a face that would go with the violence...but Niall didn't really want sayn to be around him. 

 

Niall almost got out of the room without being noticed, but before turning to leave, the big boss man stopped, raising his eyebrows. "and who might this be?" he asked, glancing at Zayn. 

 

"this is my boyfriend, Niall." zayn said simply. "we convinced him to try on a few things." he said, and the big boss nodded. "he's pretty. Say, sweetheart. Do you know anything about alcohol? I need someone at the bar...and I'd rather it not be nick again. He kept trying to give attractive men hand jobs...that man." he said, sighing.

 

I shrug. "I really don't kno much." he said. "but If zayn gives me his phone, I'll just google anything that I don't know." he said, a bit terrified of the man.

 

He nodded, a smile spreading across his face. "Irish." he mused. "if you ever feel like stripping, you have a job." he said. "but for tonight, bartender...and stay in that. You'll sell drinks, I promise." he said, leaving the room.

 

Zayn tossed me his phone, kissing my cheek. "go examine the bar. I need to get ready. See you soon, sexy. Stay beautiful." he said, and my heart fluttered.


	11. The Future Is Bleak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @Neurotyper @Aurelie @cliffoziall @Payge This shitty chapter is especially dedicated to these four for being so lovely and encouraging 
> 
> I am so sorry for the Crazy long wait. I am the absolute worst.

Niall stumbled out to the bar, slipping on a pair of white converse. He looks around, familiarizing himself with the alcohol. He puts zayn's phone on google, leaning against the counter and waiting for the doors to open. 

 

About half an hour later, there are a few random middle aged men scattered throughout the club. He looked at each of them, trying to convince himself that none of them were sketchy and that he'd be completely fine. 

 

When a younger man came in and sauntered over to the bar, Niall bit his lip, looking up at him. "hi, what can I getcha?" he asks nervously, and the man raises his eyebrows. 

 

"Irish, huh? Well, you can start by getting me a rum and coke." he says before nodding. "and after that, I'd quite like to get you on my dick." he adds bluntly, and Niall flushes red. 

 

He goes and gets bothe the rum and a coke, following the website's simple instructions before giving him the drink. "that'll be eight pounds please." he says simply, and the guy nods. 

 

"I'll give you a nice tip if you hop up here and let my slip it in your waistband." he says lowly and Niall rolls his eyes, biting his lip again. He hops up, and the guy puts a five in Niall's briefs, snapping the waistband. 

 

"thanks, blondie. I'll be back for that ride." he says seriously, and Niall chuckles. 

 

"maybe another time, cowboy." he says, surprised to hear the words fall from his mouth. 

 

As soon as the man is walking away he laughs breathlessly, his cheeks bright red. 

Louis came on a second later, sauntering out onto the stage in red lingerie and black stockings. Niall let out a shaky breath, his eyes roaming his new friends curves. He admired how graceful and sexy Louis looked, a smirk ever-present on his face. 

And it looked like the men were absolutely entranced by Louis' hips. Niall flushed pink, tearing his eyes away from Louis when another patron came up to the bar, ordering a drink. 

Niall made the drink, trying to be quick, and smiling up at the man. "there you go." he said, giggling at the compliment. 

The night seemed rather slow, not too crowded or anything. 

Niall felt more at home behind the bar then he had assumed he would, serving the men with a smile on his face, swaying his hips a bit more then he normally would. 

When Zayn went on stage, he stared, eyes glued to his boyfriend's body, ears tinted pink. He watched the entire act, his eyes hungrily drinking in every bit of Zayn Malik. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Zayn's hips. 

When Zayn was done, he winked down at the crowd before slapping his own ass and sauntering off of the stage. 

Niall didn't recover the entire night, his mind still stuck on Zayn's sinfully delicious abs. It really wasn't fair how absolutely gorgeous he was. When the club closed, Niall wiped down the bar, making sure everything was orderly before disappearing backstage, looking for his Zayn. 

"Hey, Irish." he heard from beside him, turning to spot Louis. 

He smiled, "you looked absolutely lovely on stage." he commended, leaning up to kiss his cheek, "red is a nice color on you." he added after, chuckling. 

"Why thank you, sweetheart. That means a lot coming from a sexy young thing like you." he teased, ruffling his hair, "Now, have you seen Harry? He closed the show, so he's hard. We all have to get a bit worked up before we get on stage. The clients prefer us hot and bothered." he explained. "And I'd like nothing more then to suck my boyfriend's cock." he added the last part bluntly. 

Niall just shook his head, frowning a bit. Louis huffed, mumbling something to himself before prancing away, going off to search for Harry. 

Niall walked around slowly, smiling when he saw Zayn in his sweats and t-shirt, a cigarette in his mouth.he smiled around the poison, walking over, "Hey, love." he said softly, taking the cigarette from his mouth to kiss Niall's temple. 

"you're incredibly hot." he blurted out. 

Zayn laughed, shaking his head and raising his eyebrows. "You weren't aware before?" he teased, ruffling the Blond's hair. 

"No. Of course I knew before, Zayn." he said a bit defensively, looking down at his feet. 

"Aw, babe. Don't be like that. I was just kidding. 

"I dunno what to do with the tips." he said. "So I brought them back here. Do we like split them or something?" he asked, not responding to Zayn's comment. 

The darker lad shook his head. "No, Niall, babe. The tips are yours. You get to keep them." he said, and Niall's eyes widened, his head snapping up, his eyes meeting Zayn's. 

"What!?" he asked loudly, completely shocked. 

"You earn your tips. Everyone here gets to keep all of their own tips." he explained, kissing Niall's cheek. A grin spread across Niall's face. 

"Wow..." he said. "So do you reckon that I have a job now?" he asked. "As a bartender, I mean." he clarified, and Zayn nodded. "By the looks of it, the crowd loved you." he said. 

Niall nodded, putting his tips in his Jean pockets before changing back into his normal clothes. He stared at himself in the mirror, and for the first time in his life, he felt like he knew himself. It wasn't a stranger staring back at him. 

Once they were back home, Niall counted his tips and set most of it on the counter. "For rent." he said. "I'll have to cover half of course. But for now, this is my downpayment." he explained, watching as Zayn put it in an envelope. 

"I'll have to trade them in for larger bills." he explains. "Or, I suppose we can just put it in my account? That's usually how I pay. I write a check." Niall nodded. "yeah, okay. You can do whatever is easiest." he said, smiling. 

Zayn nodded. "You should get some sleep. You have school in the morning." he said, running a hand through his hair. 

Niall frowned deeply, scrunching his nose up a bit. "You mean that we have school in the morning." he argued, and Zayn looked away, avoiding eye contact. 

"No. Zayn Malik, you did not." he said, sounding positively furious.

Zayn shrugged pulling out a cigarette and going outside, not responding. Niall made an annoyed sound before stomping right out after him. 

"Zayn! Please tell me that you didn't." he said, sounding a bit softer, pleasing almost. And Zayn spun around, shrugging dramatically. 

"It's my decision, Niall. I'm emancipated and I'm old enough. It isn't your choice." he argued, and Niall almost slapped him for being so fucking stupid. 

"But you can't just drop out of bloody secondary school! How do you expect to go to University!?" he demanded, and Zayn laughed bitterly. 

"You honestly think that that's an option for me?" he snapped. "I barely make rent, Niall. How do you expect me to pay for University?" Niall shut up a bit at that, looking down. 

"You can't be a stripper forever." he pointed out. "Thayer have programs. And loans. You need to come back and finish. It's only a couple of months left, really." he explained, finally understanding why Zayn hadn't been coming to school. 

He shrugged. "This isn't the time to be fighting about this, Niall. Go get some sleep." he said, an air of finality to it. 

Niall nodded, blinking once before disappearing inside, dragging a blanket out and setting up a bed on the couch. 

He was so annoyed with Zayn's lack of faith in his future, and the lat thing that he wanted that night was cuddles. He passed out quickly, sleeping restlessly the whole night. 

He woke up in their bed, face smashed against Zayn's chest, and he sighed,


	12. Pick 'N' Mix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ  
> Thank you lot for being so amazingly supportive while I didn't do jack shit for half of a year. This update has been long awaited, and I actually wrote a super long chapter and decided to split it in half. So, check for another update sometime today because I promise that it will be there. Much love :)

Niall's eyes narrowed before he even stood up, pushing himself out of the warm bed and wrapping his arms around his own midsection. He made his way to the closet, pulling on some clothes before heading to the kitchen, making himself some breakfast, yawning lazily as the bacon sizzled in the pan, inhaling deeply.

When he felt Zayn's strong hands on his hips, he tensed up.

"I really don't want to sound rude or start anything, but could you honestly not for a moment?" he questioned annoyedly, reaching a hand up to comb through his tangled hair. 

"Dammit, Niall. This really isn't a huge deal unless you make it one." He said, voice coming out exasperated. Niall spinned around, staring at him pointedly, feeling the air grow thick between them. 

"You're a bloody fucking idiot, Zayn Malik!" he snapped, "Is this the kind of life you want? Three packs a week and casual drug use while you strip naked for money and barely scratch by?" his tone was accusatory, the words pointed and harsh. 

"Because it isn't what I want." 

And Zayn felt a sharp pang in his chest, knawing on his heart. He pushed away from the blonde boy, grabbing a helmet and throwing it at the smaller lad. "Come on or you'll be late" he spoke, sounding too calm. 

"Zayn, that isn't what meant, and you know it" he responded, voice much gentler. the helmet had clattered to the floor when Niall had failed to catch it. "I only mean tat I'd like for us to have a house...and enough money for me to take you on dates and buy you presents. I want to spoil you...I just...I want..."

"You want me, not the lifestyle that I come with. You want to spend your life with Liam or with Demi, someone who can take you out and show you off. You want someone who can provide for you. You want someone who's safe" he sighed, "You want my face, my body, and their privilege." 

And that time, Niall feels a sharp tug in his chest, swallowing thickly and inhaling sharply at the sharp punch to his stomach. He hadn't meant to start anything. "No, Zee' he started, sighing, "I want you to come back to school. You're so smart, smarter than I am...too brilliant to be uneducated." he said softly, leaning up to peck him.

Zayn only pulled away, staring down at him with cold, uncaring eyes.

"Drop it, Niall. Drop it now" he demanded, and Niall's head bowed, eyes trained on the carpet bellow his feet. They were both quiet for what felt like an eternity, birds chirping and cars passing outside, eventually, Zayn reached down, picking up the helmet and slamming it to Niall's chest. 

"We're leaving now." he snapped sternly, going to grab his leather jacket. 

"I haven't eaten my breakfast" he argued, but Zayn shook his head, muttering angrily under his breath. So niall stopped cooking, scooping the half-made breakfast into a container and chucking it in the fridge before pushing out the door, making his way down to lean against Zayn's bike. 

A moment later, Zayn was walking over, giving the irish lad a small, annoyed once over before pulling his own helmet on and mounting the bike. Niall clenched his jaw, pulling on his own before getting behind him, wrapping his arms around the older boy's waist, leaning into his shoulder. 

The wind chilled him while they sped down the highway out to the high school in the suburbs, and he found himself pressed tightly against Zayn's back, looking for warmth. His head was swimming, thoughts pulling his attention this way and that. He couldn't force Zayn's words to leave his brain, the cold tone taunting him.

He couldn't find a way to explain to Zayn that he only wanted for everything to be alright, including their possible future. 

He kept thinking about it until they were parked in front of the ugly brick building, sighing annkyedly when they were parked, fogging up the helmet. He got off, pulling the helmet from his head, "What should I do with this?" he questioned, voice coming out meeker than it had in a long while. 

"Put it in your locker," Zayn snapped, voice still cold and disconnected. Niall nodded slowly, leaning down to kiss Zayn's shoulder. 

"See you this afternoon?" he asked cautiously, and Zayn shrugged.

"Find a ride home" is all that he said before pulling out and driving off, speeding away from his small boyfriend. 

Niall stared after him for a long while, watching as Zayn's figure disappeared behind the rows of monotonous houses. He let out a shaky breath, closing his blue eyes and taking in the cold, early December air. He pulled Zayn's sweatshirt tighter around himself before making his way inside, dragging his feet while he entered the building.

"Well if it isn't Niall fucking Horan!" he heard from behind him, Liam's voice loud as he stomped over. "Where the fuck do you think that you've been?" he demanded, and Niall shrugged his shoulders, turning around and staring past Liam at the blur of students making their ways about the hallway. He wasn't really in the mood for sharing his narrative.

"Ni, I'm serious. You've missed two entire weeks of school, I was beginning to think that you had been shoved in a shallow grave somewhere outside of the city" he snapped, "And I tried to call you, but it kept saying that your number had been disconnected".

Niall hadn't really thought much about his best friend while he had been away, and he now felt guilty about that too, never having called to let Liam know what was happening.

"Dad kicked me out of the house that day that I told you about me" he said, voice both serious and quiet. "I had to wait for the bruises to go away before I could come back", and he could see the horror written on Liam's face. He looked both left and right before pulling Niall to his chest roughly, his strong arms anchoring him there. 

"Shit, Ni...tell me what happened? We can go and sit out inmy truck? Fuck first period? it's only English, and you've missed ten days anyhow. what's one more?" he offered, and Niall let out a shaky breath, nodding. He was relieved to have his best friend there with him again. They walked out, Niall still holdint his helmet.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked once they were safely situated inside of Liam's familiar truck, and Niall shrugged, looking down. His cheeks an all too bright shade of pink.

"I-I went home from yours, and da was really angry that I had disappeared in the middle of the night. We started fighting, Li...and I kind of just blurted it out" he forced out, voice wavering. 

"But why didn't you tell me?" he asked once again.

"I was going too. I walked back to your house with my bag, but you had already left. You were already on your dste with Dani, and I didn't want to ruin it. SO I just walked back to mine, and I called Zayn" he explained, listening to Liam's dramatic sigh. 

"So what? You're living with Zayn now?" he asked, and Niall nodded, delving into every detail about the last two weeks, the beginning of their relationship. ANd Liam listened intently, only speaking once Niall had spilled every secret, confessed to every moment fro the very beginning.

"You're too fucking good for him, Niall. I mean it" he said seriously, "And I'm going to kill him for being so cruel to you."

Niall shook his head, "he's really lovely, Liam. He's just touvhy, is all. I struck a nerve. I-"

"No! he was an arse. and he deserves to be fucking killed. Break up with him, Niall!" 

Niall quieted, not speaking for a minute, letting himself calm down before he opened his mouth again. 

"Can you take me home after school? He uh...told me to find a ride after our fight this morning. I think he just needs a bit of time to cool of. And I just need a ride home" he forced out, watching Liam clench his fists. 

"Give me his number. Or better yet, let's just drive down there right now so that I can beat the shit out of him" he said, voice darker than normal. 

"Li, he was just frustrated. That's all. There's no reason for you to be a dick to him." 

"I'm a dick? Don't stick up for that bastard! He's the dick, here!" he exclaimed angrily, and Niall visibly tensed. 

"He isn't. He isn't a dick. He just owes his boss some money, okay? And he can't afford that and the flat. So he dropped out of school to pick up a second job" he felt bad about the lie, but he really wanted Liam to like Zayn, and it was only a small lie. 

"he still has no right to speak to you like that. You'll...stay with me tonight so he can cool off or whatever. You can do whatever the fuck you want tomorrow. But tonight, you're letting me be the protective best friend." he said, tone changing, softening a bit when he reached out to touch Niall's cheek.

Niall nodded uncertainly, thinking about the worried Zayn chain smoking cigarettes while he waited for Niall to show up, pacing the flat when he never did. 

"It'll be fun. We can watch some footie and stay up really late chatting. And it'll be like all of our normal sleepovers, yeah?" he said, smiling hopefully down at the blonde. 

"The bell for passing period just rang" he said softly, looking out the windshield, "we should go, I'll see you after school". 

And so the boys both made their way to their classes. Niall trudged through the day, accepting the stacks of missed assignments. The teachers asked him about the large number of unexcused absences, and he shrugged. "I just got hurt" he would say, "Had to wait until I was all healed, is all". He's explain vaguely before scurrying out of the classroom. 

At the end of the day, He walked to Liam's locker, waiting for Liam to come from gym, smiling at him kindly. 

"Are You ready?" Liam asked, and Niall sighed softly, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Yeah, I suppose."


	13. Empty Spaces

When they pulled up to Liam's house, Niall let out a shaky breath. He sighed, taking in the familiar surroundings and turning to look at Liam. The older boy was smiling softly, turning to look at Niall. 

"it's just mum. You don't have to look so nervous." he teased, getting out and waiting for Niall to join him before going inside, waving at his mum when she came to greet Liam. She immediately turned her attention the the smaller lad, coming over and hugging him tight. 

"Oh, Niall. We've missed seeing you at church the last couple of weeks. Have you been alright?" she questioned, and his heart twisted a bit. It hurt him to know that his family had decided to pretend that everything was completely fine. His mind flashed to Greg, expression darkening a bit. 

"I was sick, is all." he explained with a shrug, and she nodded.

"listen, mum...Niall has to stay here tonight, okay? His dad is angry with him, and he feels more comfortable if there's a night for everyone to just calm down." 

Niall was impressed by how smoothe Liam's lie had bee , and she nodded, chattering cheerfully about how dinner would be at six thirds as per usual, and that they would be having pasta. 

"Now, you two boys go upstairs and get that homework done. You both better have high marls, or I'll ground you." she teased happily, returning to the kitchen as soon as Liam tugged Niall up the stairs. 

"I'm going to fail everything now...have you seen all of the work I have to make up? Think I might vomit." he joked, shaking his head. 

Liam rolled his eyes at that. "you can have all of my maths work if you want. And science too. You're on your own for English and philosophy though, I'm afraid." Niall just thanked him. 

And the boys fell into their normal dynamic, chatting and joking around and gossiping until late when Niall fell asleep curled up to his best friends side. 

And the nest day of school was easier. He did, indeed catch up for the most part, forcing himself to finish as much work as he possibly could. 

After the final bell rang, Niall sighed, making his way to Liam. It only took about twenty minutes for Liam to drive Niall to his flat downtown. He looked around, frowning. 

"Ew. This place is absolute shit." he mused, and Niall rolled his eyes. 

"fuck off, it's better than the fucking gutter." he pointed out, and Liam rolled his eyes, muttering about how his house had extra space. 

They were quiet after that, sitting in the settling silence, both staring out the windshield of Liam's trusty car. 

"Just...call me if you need anything, Ni." Liam added softly, kissing the blonde's cheek before watching Niall get out, climbing the stairs and using his key to get in, frowning deeply at the cluttered mess that met him.

There were broken plates and bottles on the floor, shattered everywhere. 

Zayn staggered out of the bedroom when Niall shut the door behind him, pointing a finger and stumbling closer. 

"You fucking thin,that you can just not show up? Huh?" he slurred, forcing himself into Niall's space, causing the smaller boy to flinch. 

"Liam refused to take me yesterday. He said that you were a dick and that he wouldn't take me back to that until you had calmed down. And I can't just walk from school, Zayn. It would take at least I've hours." he said, keeping his voice calm. His explanation was rational, but Zayn wasn't buying it, slamming his fist down on the counter. 

"I don't fucking care! You don't get to fucking worry me like that, okay? You're mine, Niall. No one else's, fucking okay? You belong to me!" he yelled, and Niall cringed, forcing himself not to get angry about Zayn's unkind words. 

"And you're high, right? Or are you high and drunk? You smell pretty drunk." he asked, and Zayn pushed past him to the fridge. 

"both, what's it to you?" he snapped, and Niall swallowed thickly, staring at him and noticing Zayn's bloody feet, cut from the glass. 

"You promised that you'd stop." he said sternly, and Zayn spun around, eyes manic. 

"who the fuck do you think you are? He demanded, falling in his attempt to get back over, hands slamming into the floor, palms slashed. 

"look at you, poor little Niall with his fucking hero complex, coming o swoop in and save the fucking day. You don't own me!" he yelled, and Niall just sat there, staring at him blankly. 

"you told me that you'd stop. Promised, even." he asked. "what shit are you on this time?" he asked then, heart pounding in his chest. 

"just pot!" he yelled, and that was when everything started to blur together. Screaming, throwing things, Pushing. But Niall was shocked back to real time when Zayn pushed him harshly, causing the blond to fall back against the wall. 

And when Zayn kicked him, tears sprand to Niall's eyes. He laid there and took the hits for a moment before gathering himself and sprinting to the bedroom where he shut and locked the door, sinking to the floor and praying that Zayn would leave him alone. 

In the morning, Niall woke up on the floor, eyes swollen from crying himself to sleep. He opened the door quietly, eyes surveying the room to find Zayn's sleeping body on the couch. He stared for a moment before tiptoeing out, grabbing Zayn's phone from the counter and sneaking back into the bedroom, locking the door yet again. 

Liam picked up on the third ring, in the middle of brushing his teeth. 

"Wassup?" he spoke through a mouth full of foam. 

"I need you to come and pick me up." 

"Kay, I'll be there in twenty." he said, spitting after. 

"No...like...I need you to take me. And to not let me come back." he said quietly, and the other line was quiet. 

"it'll still take me fifteen minutes to drive there." he said, and Niall nodded. 

"I need to pack anyway." he said, and then he hit end, searching for his duffle bag and packing all of his things away, staring at the empty spaces. 

When he exited the bedroom, Zayn was awake and staring up at the ceiling with a strange expression. 

"I'll get a job and send you the money for your rent." he said. "pay your boss back...and your drug dealer, I suppose." he said, and Zayn sat up, shaking his head. 

"I sure hope that you figure all of this shit out. In fact, call me when you do." he said. "or call Liam." he added, setting Zayn's phone down on top of the rest of Niall's tip money.

"Niall? Niall, I'm sorry." he said, standing up. "I was just...anxious. And afraid that you had left. And I went out and bought some coke and some speed and more cigarettes and some vodka and..." he trailed off, and niall shook his head. 

"that's the problem, Zee...I can't be in this kind of environment. It isn't safe for me. You proved that last night." he said softly. 

"No, Niall. You don't understand." he pleaded, but Niall cut him off. 

"No, I do u derstamd. I understand that you're a liar and an addict. And you're violent, and I'm not safe here. I am not safe with you." he snapped. 

"I wish you well...get your shit together...maybe then we can make this work." he said the last part quietly,organizing the tips and grabbing his bag, ignoring Zayn's pleas while he went. 

And Zayn was crying when Niall shut the door, walking down to where Liam was parked in his large truck, getting in the passenger's seat, hugging the duffle to his chest. 

"you did the right thing, Ni. And I told mum what had happened. We'll spend the day clearing Ruth's stuff out of her room." he said. 

And all Niall could do was nod, staring out the window with tears running down his cheeks.


	14. Shell

And a week later, Niall had settled into a routine. He woke up every morning, took a shower, got dressed and packed his bag before heading downstairs by 6:30 where he ate a nice, cooked breakfast with Liam. They then went to school where he went through his classes like normal. At the end of the day, he would meet Liam at the car, they would head home, and then they would each finish their homework before messing about. 

It was dreadfully borning and completely safe. Niall had come to appreciate that. 

Karen didn’t make Niall go to church come Sunday morning, and he would be forever grateful. 

Instead, he went on the computer, opening a blank document and beginning to write, writing out every ounce of feelig that he had, trying to fix everything all up. He couldn’t put a neat little bow on top. Too much remained unresolved. 

When the front door opened, Niall printed his writing and deleted the file, folding it in half a few times and shoving it in his pocket. 

“Niall, darling, it’s time for lunch, okay? Will you come and help Liam set the table, please?” She called out, and he nodded, not saying anything but joining them in the kitchen anyway. Liam grinned at him, just like he did every morning. 

Liam made a lovely brother, it seemed. He got out all of the silverware while Liam grabbed plates, and they worked smoothly together. 

“So, Niall.” Liam’s dad began, swallowing a bit of his pie before continuing, “I know we haven’t talked about it yet. But I was curious as to what your plans for next year are.” He said, and Liam shot him a look, eyebrows drawn together.

“Not now, yeah? He’s barely even settled.”

“I’m not quite sure.” he answered, regardless, shaking his head and sipping at his water. 

“I mean, I obviously always thought I’d attend Uni after taking my A-levels...but now it all seems a bit wrong, yeah? Maybe I’ll take a year off and just work or something.” He said, shrugging. 

Karen’s expression softened, “Well, we’re behind you completely, of course. It’s whatever you want to do. It would make complete sense for you to need some time. This year has been quite traumatic for you. 

He just nodded, forcing a weak smile onto his face. 

He let out a shaky breath, looking around for a moment. 

“I’m not feeling very well, think I might go and have a lie down...May I please be excused? The food is delicious of course, thank you.” And Karen’s expression sobered a bit as she nodded. 

“Of course, Niall. Go on up.” She said, and he stood quickly, all but running up to Ruth’s room, closing the door and bursting into tears, sitting in front of the door with his head in his hands, shoulders shaking slightly. 

He wasn’t aware of how much time had passed before there was a knock on the door. 

“Ni, c’mon. Open up. I can hear you.” Liam said softly, and Liam staggered to his feet, nearly falling back down before he tugged the door open, surprisd by how quickly he was pulled into Liam’s arms. 

“Shhhh, Ni, I’ve got you. You’re safe now, yeah? I won’t let anyone hurt you. Not anymore.” He assured, curling up with niall in the bed. 

He fell asleep with his head on Liam’s strong chest and woke in the same position, looking around groggily. 

“Morning, sleeping beauty.” he whispered, and Niall scrunched his nose up. 

“Mornin’...” he rhasped out, and Liam chuckled, shaking his head. 

“Nah, it’s only about four, I reckon.” He said, running a hand through Niall’s hair. 

“How are you feeling, Ni?” he asked then, voice a bit more serious. 

But Niall just shook his head. He felt a scary kind of numbness, like he was empty. He had never wanted to be that person who lets someone emotionally devastate them, but Zayn had ruined him in a fundamental kind of way. 

He felt broken and war-torn and battered. He squeezed his eyes shut, and shook his head again. It was exhausting, opening his eyes and trying to function normally. 

“Niall...I’m quite worried about you, really. You’ve been off.” He says, and Niall just keeps shaking his head, feeling the emptiness surround him, working its way outward from his insides. He felt trapped in a sea of nothing. 

“It hurts, Liam.” he whispered. 

“What hurts, Niall? I don’t understand. What do you need?” 

“Everything.” He whispered, hiding his face in liam’s shoulder.   
He had never felt more alone, even Liam’s touch feeling somehow faraway. And he wondered sadly, how fucked up Zayn was. He wondered if Zayn was high and partyig and having sex and letting old men touch him the way that Niall wanted to touch him. 

His skin crawled at the thought, and he jumped up, sprinting to the bathroom and vommiting. 

Karen didn’t let him go to school the next morning, telling liam to bring home each and every one of niall’s homework assignments. 

The emptiness grew larger until it surrounded the entire house. He closed his eyes, trying to make himself as small as possible so that the lonliness couldn’t catch him. 

It didn’t work, but it seemed worth the shot. 

When Liam got home, he found Niall sitting inside the closet, in the corner, arms wrapped tightly around his knees in the midst of a panic attack. He wasn’t very lucid for what felt like hours. 

It turned out to be three days before he was eating breakfast beside Liam, deep purple circles under his eyes. The whole family knew that it wasn’t normal behaviour. But no one was sure how to go about fixing it. 

Karen gave him an extra serving of bacon instead, thinking that with a bit of food, he’d feel better. 

Niall thanked her, smiling softly and eating all of the food before they went to school. 

The day was a blur, just like the three before, and he found himself sitting inside the truck, waiting for Liam after the bell rang. 

“I don’t think I’ll pass.” He muttered, shaking his head. 

Liam frowned, scrunching up his nose, “What are you on about, Ni?” he asked, and Niall laughed a bit cynically. 

“My A-levels. There’s no way I’ll pass them. I’ve missed too much school. No Uni is going to accept me. I think I should drop out.” He said, and Liam’s face contorted. 

“No, absolutely not. You are not going to drop out and go crawling back to that lowlife, high, abusive mother-” 

“It isn’t about him, Liam!” Niall screeched, eyes bright and manic. 

“It isn’t about him. It’s about me.”   
Liam shook his head, turning the car on. 

“No. No, mate. It isn’t you at all.” He said lowly, keeping his eyes on the road the whole way there.


End file.
